I’ve read over 1,000 books in the past 15 years. If that doesn’t grant me nerd status, I don’t know what would.

Books are a really big deal in my life, and one of my greatest joys is helping others develop a deeper passion for reading. What I’ve found is that many people aspire to read more, but they fall short of their own goals for one reason or another: too busy, not a priority, unsure what to read, don’t get much from what they read, etc.

My goal with this article is to help you overcome those objections. If you’re hoping to read more and soak up more knowledge from what you read, this article is for you.

Here’s what you’ll find in this ultimate guide to bookishness:

1. How to Pick Great Books to Read

2. How to Read More

3. How to Save Money on Books

4. How to Remember What You Read

5. How to Take Amazing Margin Notes

6. How to Keep Track of What You’ve Read

How To Pick Great Books to Read

With all of the millions of books out there, how do you know where to start? It can definitely be overwhelming to choose, but thankfully, there are some great sources out there to help you increase your “hit rate” of finding the right books.

The most reliable (and underrated) recommendation source I’ve found is books that are referenced within other books that I love. Almost every nonfiction book contains a heap of book recommendations, and many fiction books reference other books too.

For example, I noticed that several of my favorite books all recommended the book Mindset by Carol Dweck. So I picked up Mindset, and it was awesome. Same thing with Steal Like an Artist by Austin Kleon. I hadn’t heard of that book until it came up in numerous other books I read, so I went straight to the source and read Kleon’s work (all of it, in fact). His stuff is amazing, which wasn’t a surprise because I already knew he had influenced several other authors I admired.

Just like everyone else, I also pick up book recommendations in conversations with friends. But I’ve noticed that everyone has a different threshold for which books are worthy of recommending. Some people hesitate to share recommendations because they think their literary taste is unique and others won’t enjoy the same books. Others throw out recommendations willy-nilly, eagerly recommending anything they’ve ever read, rather than only referring the absolute best books.

Because recommendations are inherently subjective, I’ve started to use a little system to sort through the wheat from the chaff. I generally make the time to check out a book if any of the following things happen:

• Multiple people recommend the same book

• Someone talks about how a specific book tangibly impacted their life

• Someone who I know reads a LOT of books says that a certain book was the best book about [X topic] that they’ve read recently

If someone shares a recommendation that doesn’t rise to the level of any of the things on the list above, I make a quick mental note about that book and go about my day. Life is too short to read books that aren’t amazing, and we all only have a limited amount of time to read, so it’s important for all of us to relentlessly prioritize what we choose to read.

Lastly, I spend a lot of time in bookstores, thumbing through books on the shelves. This is one of the trickiest ways to find book selections because you’re heavily dependent upon the bookstore’s curation and which books they decide to feature in prominent locations that catch your eye. But I’ve still found that it’s helpful to scan the aisles and stumble upon new books.

If I find a random book in a bookstore that sounds interesting and I haven’t heard anything about it, I usually rely on a few shorthand methods of determining if the book will be worth the time:

• I read the synopsis and sometimes the first page of the book. Often, you can tell whether you like a writer’s writing style remarkably fast. If you don’t want to keep reading after the first page, set the book down.

• I check out the list of recommendations that are generally on the back cover of the book. If one of my favorite authors has recommended the book, that’s a pretty good sign.

• I flip through the book. Many of my favorite nonfiction books have pleasant formatting. The authors not only know how to express their ideas with words, but also with images, graphs, and blockquotes. Sometimes you can get a good read off a book just by how much care the author put into the formatting and presentation of their ideas.

“Of course you can judge a book by its cover — that’s why books have covers. They’re designed to catch people’s attention and draw them toward the work — and away from all the other works that stand equal on the shelf.” -Ryan Holiday

But again, the best way to find books is to read the ones referenced by the authors that you already love. The people who influenced them are probably worth reading!

How to Read More

When people find out how much I read, they immediately assume I’m a speed reader. I’m not. I read about as fast as the next person. I just spend a massive amount of time reading.

On average, I read a couple of hours every night. This means that I spend much less time on social media, television, and news than most people.

Why do I spend so much time reading? Because I believe in this quote:

“What you will become in five years will be determined by what you read and who you associate with.” -Charles ‘Tremendous’ Jones

In five years, you won’t remember the Instagram photos you liked, the memes you re-tweeted, or the TikTok videos that made you laugh. But you will remember the books that influenced your life. The memoirs that helped you empathize with someone else’s struggle. The novels that taught you why forgiveness is better than revenge. The biographies that inspired you to dust yourself off after a bad breakup, layoff, or betrayal.

Once you personally experience the potential in books to change your life, you’ll want to find more time to read as well. The best way to read more is also the simplest way: make more time for it. Cut out other things in your life. Prioritize reading over other tasks that don’t move the needle.

Specifically, I’ve used these seven tactics to read more:

1. Set reading goals

Goals have a way of orienting our brains to know that a given task is really important. Setting a goal also has the mysterious power of marshaling more forces to your aid.

“At the moment of commitment, the entire universe conspires to assist you.” -Goethe

For over a decade, my personal goal has been to read 70 books each year. That breaks down to about six books each month, or one every five days.

If I’m 20 days into a month and I’ve only read two books (instead of four), I know I’m behind my goal. When that happens, I try to carve out a little more time to read.

Your goal will be different than mine. Perhaps it’s five books per year…or 100. You set your own pace.

For example, one of my friends told me partway through 2019 that he had already read four books, which was more than he had read in all of 2018. That was a huge win. He was elated, and I was elated for him. The important part is setting the right goal that works for you.

2. Set aside solo time every day

I think solo time is really important. In fact, I even go on solo retreats twice a year to get away from the busyness of life and get to know myself a bit better.

Almost everyone I’ve talked to agrees that carving out solo time is difficult, but possible. Life doesn’t make space for us to do important things, so we need to relentlessly seek out time to do what’s important to us.

Do your darndest to find some quiet time amidst your crazy schedule. For you, that may be early in the morning before your kids are awake, or during lunch at work, or right after you get home. For me, it’s every night between 9:30 pm and midnight after my wife goes to bed. Evenings are my time to read, write, journal, and think.

Find the time that works for you, then jealously protect that time. Make it a priority.

3. Read multiple books at the same time

Many people believe that you should read the same book from start to finish before starting the next book. I vehemently disagree.

I’ve found that I read WAY more books when I have two or three books going at the same time. At any given time, I’m usually reading one fiction book, one nonfiction book, and one spiritual book. I do this because it helps me have a book for any mood.

For example, I was reading a business book last week, but then I didn’t feel like reading about business anymore. So I picked up a novel and enjoyed that for a bit. If I had only been reading one book at a time, I would have dropped the business book and jumped into a different (and probably lesser) form of entertainment: social media, TV, etc.

Reading multiple books at a time is like stocking your pantry with a host of healthy snacks rather than a bunch of junk food. If an apple doesn’t sound good, and all you have in your pantry are apples and Oreos, you’re going to find yourself neck-deep in the Double-Stuffs. But if you have apples, bananas, and trail mix on hand, you may opt for healthier fare instead, even if you don’t feel like an apple.

By keeping a few books going at one time, you’ll have books for each of your moods and preferences throughout the course of a given week.

4. Don’t give in to the social pressure of grabbing your phone or watching TV

“Reading takes time, and the glass teat takes too much of it. Once weaned from the ephemeral craving for TV, most people will find they enjoy the time they spend reading. I’d like to suggest turning off that endlessly quacking box is apt to improve the quality of your life…” -Stephen King

For some reason, it seems like it’s more socially acceptable for people to whip out their phones than to pull out a book. For example, I’ve noticed that when my wife and I are hanging out with family during the holidays, people tend to turn on the television or surf the web on their phone once the conversation starts to lull at the end of the night.

I feel like a weirdo for grabbing my book, but I’ve decided that I’d rather be a productive weirdo than an unproductive lemming.

If you want to do something on your phone, that’s totally fine, but don’t give in to the social impulse to jump onto a device just because everyone else is doing it. Have the courage to pick up a book. You’ll get done a lot more reading and waste a lot less time.

5. Build an anti-library

Author Nassim Nicholas Taleb talks about the importance of building an “anti-library” — a collection of books that you haven’t read.

“Collect books, even if you don’t plan on reading them right away. Nothing is more important than an unread library.” -Austin Kleon

My personal library is packed with countless books I haven’t read. Every time I look at my bookshelves, I’m reminded that I need to get my butt in gear because there are so many books I want to read.

Sometimes when I’m looking for reading inspiration, I walk into my library to gaze at all of the wisdom I want to soak up. Then I grab the next book and dive in.

6. Visit bookstores more often

Similar to the idea of building an anti-library, I visit bookstores to further ignite my reading passion. Sure, walking into a bookstore doesn’t equate to actual reading time, but it definitely offers inspiration and motivation.

Every time I visit a local bookstore, I leave with a sense that I need to prioritize reading even higher because there’s so much out there to learn.

7. Bring a book with you everywhere

If I know I’ll need to wait somewhere later in the day (getting a license at the DMV, bringing my car in for an oil change, etc.), I bring a book.

Those random minutes add up, and you want to take advantage of them. By thinking ahead, you can ensure those little pockets of time don’t go to waste.

“You can do so much in ten minutes’ time. Ten minutes, once gone, are gone for good. Divide your time into ten-minute units and sacrifice as few of them as possible in meaningless activity.” -Ingvar Kamprad

These tactics have been game-changers for me. I went from hardly reading anything to reading 30 books per year, then 50, then 70, then 80.

By making a few changes in your life and re-prioritizing how you spend the little gaps of time in your day, you too can become a voracious reader.

How to Save Money on Books

Sometimes people tell me they’re surprised I could spend so much money on books. What they don’t realize is that it doesn’t actually cost much to have an epic reading appetite. In addition to free avenues like the library, there are dozens of cheap places to buy books.

“The literature available at your average library amounts to millions of pages and thousands of years of knowledge, insight, and experience.” -Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman

For years, I used to visit thrift stores to find inexpensive books: Goodwill, Savers, Value Village, you name it. Every decent thrift store has a books section, and each book generally costs somewhere in the range of $0.50 to $4.00. I’ve walked out with armfuls of reading material more times than I can count.

Then I stumbled upon the website ThriftBooks.com, which is an online thrift store that contains thousands of used titles — many of which are priced around $5. The site also offers free shipping if you buy $10 worth of books.

Rather than spending hours visiting thrift stores, I can type a few words into a search bar and track down almost any book I want for super cheap. (Brand new books sell for the standard price, but it’s a great place to search for books that are at least a few years old.)

For someone who reads a lot, that website is a total game-changer. I’ve told many friends about it too, so now we buy most of our books on there. I’ve saved thousands of dollars on books by shopping on ThriftBooks.

By finding inexpensive places to quench your reading habit, you can ensure that cost never stands in your way.

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How to Remember What You Read

My memory isn’t great, so for the past decade, I’ve been experimenting with various tactics to remember takeaways from the books I read.

I’ve found a handful of specific tips that have greatly increased my reading comprehension. I think they’ll help you too.

1. Read physical books instead of e-books

I remember my excitement a few years ago when I arrived home from Barnes & Noble with my new Nook Color e-reader. I was sure that device would transform my reading experience.

It did, but not in the way I assumed.

One of the first books I read on my e-reader was The Maze Runner by James Dashner. After finishing the book, I raved about Dashner’s writing to a few friends. One of them had also read The Maze Runner, so we talked about the book’s chilling conclusion.

Er, I mean my friend talked about the conclusion. I couldn’t remember it. Embarrassingly, I had forgotten how the book ended.

The same thing happened to me a few other times with my e-reader. I began to feel like an idiot. My memory had never failed me like that with books before.

I turned to the all-knowing internet for answers. As it turns out, early studies suggest that people using e-readers absorb less information, get distracted by multitasking, and don’t enjoy the experience as much as those who read physical books.

“Whether they realize it or not, many people approach computers and tablets with a state of mind less conducive to learning than the one they bring to paper.” -Ferris Jabr

Although some studies have disagreed with those findings, my personal experience convinced me I should only read physical books.

2. Talk about lessons learned

Often the best way to learn something is to teach it. I’ve found that I internalize lessons from books much better once I’ve had the chance to discuss them with others.

“In learning you will teach, and in teaching you will learn.” -Phil Collins

My first explanation of any book is often unpolished. As the words come out of my mouth, I realize I’ve failed to digest the author’s main points. However, by the second or third time I’ve discussed a book, I’ve crystallized my understanding of the lessons, and I can finally articulate them.

3. Create a “commonplace book”

A commonplace book is a place to compile knowledge for future reference. While many people use a physical book for this practice, any cataloging system can serve the same purpose.

Many people throughout history have used commonplace books, including Thomas Jefferson, Marcus Aurelius, Francis Bacon, E.M. Forster, H.P. Lovecraft, and Bill Gates.

I now use Obsidian for this, but you can see a picture of my old setup below, which I adapted from bestselling author Ryan Holiday, who adapted his from Robert Greene.

I bought a few packages of 3x5 cards and two batches of index card dividers, then used an old box for my storage container.

By taking the time to jot handy notes, I’m able to not only remember more of what I read, but I can also quickly track down exact quotes and data for later stories that I write. (If you’re interested, I share more details about commonplacing in this post.)

4. Refuse to borrow books

When friends discover my love of reading, they instantly offer heartfelt recommendations of books I should borrow from them.

My answer is always no.

Refusing to borrow books narrows my focus to only those books that are good enough to buy. Every book I buy is an investment in my development and a chance to build my personal library.

But more importantly, I refuse to borrow books because I can’t write in borrowed books. I can’t make them my own. Purchasing my own books gives me the freedom to take margin notes, as explained in detail below.

5. Take margin notes

I used to view books as hallowed ground. I wouldn’t consider writing in them any more than I’d consider putting a million bumper stickers on my car. (What are you people thinking?)

But then I realized that what made a book special was not its words, but what those words sparked inside me: ideas, inspiration, and action. So I began writing notes in the margins of my books. Lots and lots of notes.

My marginalia puts me in control of what I will learn from the book and how it will impact my life after I turn the final page. Writing notes in a book enables me to engage in a form of co-creation with the author. His or her work inspires me to brainstorm insights pertinent to my own life and immediately consider how I can put those ideas into practice.

“In getting my books, I have always been solicitous of an ample margin; this is not so much through any love of the thing in itself, however agreeable, as for the facility it affords me of penciling in suggested thoughts, agreements, and differences of opinion, or brief critical comments in general.” -Edgar Allen Poe

Not only do my margin notes act as a cheat sheet for later reference, but the very act of writing handwritten notes helps me remember what I’ve read. Studies have routinely shown that writing notes by hand boosts memory more than typing notes on a computer.

Because margin notes are such an important aspect of remembering key takeaways from your reading, I’ve devoted the entire next section of this post to discussing marginalia in detail.

Note: While digital notes don’t aid comprehension the same way handwritten notes do, they still offer a unique benefit of searchability. If you’re a digital notes person, you may find it helpful to jot down book notes in an app like Obsidian or Evernote.

How to Take Amazing Margin Notes

I used to treat my own books no differently than a library book. It felt wrong to deflower the pages with my scribbles and underlines, so each margin remained milky white. Then I realized that what made a book special was not its words, but what those words sparked inside me: ideas, inspiration, and action.

Writing notes in a book enables you to engage in a form of co-creation with the author. Marginalia helps you transition from idea to inspiration to action. It helps you remember what you’ve learned from any book and apply it to your life after you turn the final page.

With how much I read, I need to remember what I’ve learned and put those lessons into practice, so I’ve been developing my own system of advanced marginalia.

The core of the system is extremely simple, but I’ll share pictures along the way to show how you can maximize each step.

Here are the three steps of my “SUB” system (Star, Underline, Back Cover):

1. STAR key passages to quickly find them later

2. UNDERLINE essential quotes and ideas on each page

3. Use the BACK COVER of the book to record your biggest takeaways

1. Star key passages to quickly find them later

As I’m reading a book, I place an asterisk (*) next to key passages to help me track down those ideas later when I riffle through the book.

For passages that seem really important, I circle the asterisk so I can find the material even faster. The circled asterisks are generally the items that I jot down in the back cover of the book (explained in step #3 below).

Here’s an example of a typical page of one of my books. You’ll notice a couple of stars and margin notes that will help me find those ideas quickly later.

2. Underline essential quotes and ideas on each page

As I read, I ask myself the question: “If I were to go back and skim-read this book, what few sentences on this page would I need to read to understand the core concept or the essential elements of the plot?”

The answer to that question determines what parts I underline.

Underlining or highlighting is not an exact science. Different ideas and quotes resonate with different people. Sometimes my wife reads a book that I’ve read and marked up, and she’s surprised by the types of things I underlined. They don’t make sense to her, and they’re not really supposed to. Your notes are for you — not for anyone else.

While I read, I also take note of new words I don’t know. For example, the picture above is from the book Stein on Writing by Sol Stein. Page 116 of that book contained the word “antediluvian,” which I had never heard before, so I looked it up and jotted the definition on the bottom of the page. I use a backward pilcrow (the paragraph symbol) to designate new vocab words, but you can use any symbol you’d like.

3. Use the back cover of the book to record your biggest takeaways

This is the most important part of my marginalia system. Years ago, I realized that if I wanted to thumb back through an old book to find a quote or concept, I had to scan through every page to find what I wanted.

That seemed ridiculous, and I knew there must be a better way to summarize what I had learned and where I could find it in the book, so I began using the inside back cover of every book to record my primary takeaways.

Here’s an example from Walter Isaacson’s biography Benjamin Franklin:

If you look closely, you’ll notice several different types of notes in the image above. Here’s a description of those notes from left to right:

• Favorite Quotes — The upper left corner includes page numbers of a few of the author’s best quotes.

• Key Takeaways — The main section on the left page includes a page number alongside each core insight from the book. I usually end up with about 15–25 main takeaways from every book.

• Date Finished — The bottom left corner shows the date I finished reading the book. If and when I re-read a book, I’ll write the re-read date as well.

• Book Recommendations — Most authors are insatiable readers. Many writers consume 10–50 books while researching a book, and they generally reference those books throughout the text, along with sprinkling in some of their other favorite books. I write the author’s recommendations in the upper right corner of the back cover. If I want to dive deeper into some topic from the book, those recommendations give me a great starting point.

• Personality/Character Traits — In the bottom right corner, I jotted down a few things I learned about Benjamin Franklin as a person: what made him successful, what he struggled with, etc. I’ve begun to write lists like this in biographies, and it’s fascinating to see the common character traits between successful people in diverse fields (curiosity, work ethic, etc.).

The types of things I write in the back cover of a book differ based upon the type of book I’m reading. For example, the last bullet point above about Personality/Character Traits wouldn’t make sense in a book about economics, psychology, or leadership. For those types of books, I jot down other notes, like what I plan to apply from that book to my life.

Here’s an example of my back cover notes for the marketing and communication book Made to Stick by Chip and Dan Heath:

I also write notes in fiction books. I’ve found that the notes help me follow along with the plot and remember what happened in the story. I also usually write a character list on one of the pages of the book’s back cover.

Depending upon the type of book, I’ve also begun to write timelines in the back of some books. I primarily do this in history books, biographies, memoirs, and even some business books.

Here’s a picture of my timeline from the Benjamin Franklin biography:

Step up your reading game by using the SUB system (Star, Underline, Back Cover) of advanced marginalia:

1. Star key passages to quickly find them later

2. Underline essential quotes and ideas on each page

3. Use the back cover to record your biggest takeaways

It’s a simple system that you can use in powerful ways.

How to Keep Track of What You’ve Read

“My alma mater was books, a good library…I could spend the rest of my life reading, just satisfying my curiosity.” — Malcolm X

I highly recommend tracking the books you’ve read. It not only helps jog your memory of past books, but it’s fun to look back at the types of books that influenced your thinking each year.

I’ve been tracking my reading list for the past 18 years. I started by writing the list in a physical notebook, then later moved it over to Goodreads and the Recent Reads page on my blog. I take a lot of pride in that list, and it motivates me to keep pushing — to continue learning more and more.

Plus, it’s fulfilling to look back upon the literary ground you’ve covered. If you haven’t done so yet, start keeping a journal or online document of the books you’ve read.

If you’ve never used Goodreads before, I suggest starting there. They even have a yearly challenge where you can input your reading goal and they’ll track your progress throughout the course of the year. (Example below.)

Reading great books is one of the best ways to develop yourself as a person. Every minute you spend reading is a minute that you’ve invested in your future.

My hope is that you can use the tips above to reach whatever goals you have for reading and personal development. Feel free to leave your own bookish insights below. I always love hearing what tactics have worked for others.

Happy reading!

In my reading, I’m a turtle, not a hare. My pace hovers in the “slow to average” range, but I spend 2-3 hours every day reading, which has helped me read over 1,000 books in the past 15 years (mostly nonfiction).

When people hear how many hundreds of hours I spend reading, they tend to ask an important question: “Why?”

Why spend all of this time with my nose in a book?
Why not spend that time watching movies, TV shows, or YouTube videos?
Why not invest that time in golf, chess, video games, or any other activity?

This post is my attempt to answer that question. Consider it my love letter to books.

If you’re a fellow bibliophile, I hope many of these thoughts will resonate with you and that you’ll share your own list of literary love in the comments section. Or, if the very idea of an ode to books brings to mind one particular friend who’s a lovable book nerd, I hope you’ll pass this list along to them to brighten their day.

Here are 15 things I love about books:

1. Books forge friendships. I met one of my best friends by nerding out over books at a mutual friend’s birthday party. Once we realized we each ran book websites or podcasts, we swapped contact info and have been tight ever since, meeting up every couple of months to swap life stories and reading recs over dinner.

2. Books supply interesting stories to share with others. The first book I read for fun as an adult was Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. One of the things that appealed to me about that book was the trove of fascinating stories it gave me for happy hours and coffee dates with friends.

3. Books teach us how to craft more enjoyable conversations. Along with giving me tons of conversational ammo of interesting topics to discuss, books have explicitly taught me how to listen better, ask thoughtful questions, and tell better stories.

4. Reading is one of the best ways to solve problems. Struggling to give feedback to friends, family, or co-workers? There’s a book for that. Want to learn how to start a business? There’s a book for that. Same with developing grit, making better decisions, or becoming a writer. Much of my reading the past 15 years has followed the same pattern: Realize I suck at something → Find a book on that topic → Learn how to improve → Put those ideas into practice → Suck less.

5. Books build potential energy within us. They create a reservoir of knowledge, insights, and ideas to tap into whenever we need them most. As novelist Walter Mosley said, "A peasant that reads is a prince in waiting.”

6. Books are a cheap way to get an education. Many figures throughout history have credited reading as their primary means of learning, including Malcom X, Abraham Lincoln, Frederick Douglass, and Doris Lessing. School is expensive. Books are cheap.

7. Reading fiction builds empathy. Not only has early research loosely supported this theory, but you can feel its truth when you read well-written novels like The Vanishing Half, Persepolis, The Green Mile, All the Light We Cannot See, or To Kill a Mockingbird. Books transport you into the challenges of people from other cultures, backgrounds, and experiences. "Books are other lives,” says novelist Donna Tartt. “They enable us to be other people."

8. Fiction can also help us develop character. Les Misérables taught me love in all its forms: storge (familial), agape (selfless), eros (romantic), philautia (self-love), etc. Atonement showed me the power of forgiveness (and the cost of bitterness). A Christmas Carol encouraged me to approach life with joy and thankfulness.

9. Biographies show us what’s possible for humans to achieve. Reading about Hamilton’s prodigious writing output showed me I can write more than I thought possible. Biographies about Abraham Lincoln taught me how to turn enemies into friends. And reading about the life of Mister Rogers made me earnestly desire to become a better human.

10. Books give us travel visas for other worlds. You can explore the ocean depths with the crew of the Nautilus, spend years under house arrest in a Russian hotel, watch the running of the bulls in Pamplona alongside American and British expats, or explore space with astronaut Ryland Grace. Books are a portal to other countries, times, and dimensions.

11. Books help us self-reflect. In the words of my friend , “Books are mirrors, time machines, and trail markers all at once. They show you where you’ve been. They reflect who you are. And sometimes, if you’re paying attention, they whisper something about where you’re headed.”

12. Books hold powerful people accountable. They correct false records when historical events have been whitewashed and give us a peek into what’s happening in locations we can’t see with our own eyes. A few recent examples from my reading: Kill Anything That Moves, Confidence Man, Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee, and One Day, Everyone Will Have Always Been Against This.

13. Books allow us to be mentored by dead emperors, business titans, and Olympic athletes. People whom we could never normally ask for advice are as close as your local library or Kindle account. Take a second to consider how insane that is. You have wisdom on tap, waiting for you, whenever you’re ready. Just open a book.

14. Books help us refine our life philosophy. Who do you want to be? What does success look like to you? I’ve gradually developed answers to those questions by reading about the lives of many people and asking myself how I do or don’t want my life to resemble theirs. I’ve even done this with polarizing people throughout history, like Lyndon B. Johnson, Winston Churchill, J.K. Rowling, and Elon Musk.

15. A single book can change your life. Whether you’re reading fiction or nonfiction, the next book you pick up could drastically alter the trajectory of your life. What book will you pick up next? How will it change you?

If you’re a book nerd like me, I’d love to connect. Drop me a comment to say hey or subscribe to my publication below.

*This article originally appeared as a guest post on .

I’ve collected quotes for many years. My database now contains thousands of them, and every month I add the best ones I find in books, articles, newsletters, TED talks, YouTube videos, podcasts, etc.

Btw, shout-out to ! I re-read his book Show Your Work this month, which yielded many of the quotes included below.

Here are the best quotes I found this month:

“Sometimes you have to aim for things that feel unreasonable to make sure your instinct about what’s reasonable is right.” -

“Silence is a statement. Inaction picks a side. And when those lead to personal benefit, they are complicity.” -James Islington (The Will of the Many)

“Monotony is poison for the spirit.” -

“Confidence is less about knowing you’ll win and more about knowing you’ll bounce back even if you don’t.” -Advice received from a mentor

“If more information was the answer, then we’d all be billionaires with perfect abs.”
-

“Working on a problem reduces the fear of it. It’s hard to fear a problem when you are making progress on it—even if progress is imperfect and slow. Action relieves anxiety.” -James Clear

“Those who keep learning will keep rising in life” -Charlie Munger

“No one ever made a decision because of a number. They need a story.” -Daniel Kahneman

“The most powerful person in the world is the storyteller. The storyteller sets the vision, values and agenda of an entire generation that is to come.” -Steve Jobs

“Rule of thumb: Fix hardware (sleep, exercise, diet) before software (psychology). 95% of my software problems seem to magically get fixed when I take care of my hardware. And the remaining 5% is easier to debug once I’ve fixed my hardware.” -

“You’ve got to learn your instrument. Then you practice, practice, practice. And then when you finally get up there on the bandstand, forget about that and just wail.”
-Charlie Parker, famous jazz musician

“We are the prison guards of the jail that we’re complaining about.”
-

“Everyone is broken by life, but afterward many are strong in the broken places.”
-Ernest Hemingway

“Celebrity is a mask that eats into the face.” -John Updike

“Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth.” -Proverbs 27:2

“There’s not as big of a difference between collecting and creating as you might think. A lot of the writers I know see the act of reading and the act of writing as existing on opposite ends of the same spectrum: The reading feeds the writing, which feeds the reading.” -Austin Kleon

“Autobiography is only to be trusted when it reveals something disgraceful.” -George Orwell

“The impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it is destructive. Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you. You open your safe and find ashes.” -Annie Dillard

“When people realize they’re being listened to, they tell you things.” -Richard Ford

“Compulsive avoidance of embarrassment is a form of suicide.” -Colin Marshall

“Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever.” -Erich Fromm

“The easiest way to be interesting is to be honest.” -

“It is your duty to bring to the world that which only you can.” -George Mack

“General ambition gives you anxiety. Specific ambition gives you direction.” -George Mack

“The people who get what they’re after are very often the ones who just stick around long enough.” -Austin Kleon

“Anyone who isn’t embarrassed of who they were last year probably isn’t learning enough.” -Alain de Botton

“If one habit unites the leaders, inventors, scientists and artists who have forged our civilization it is reading. Serious readers are over-represented in almost every area of human achievement.” -

“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book because there would be no one who wanted to read one.” -Neil Postman

“Technology sometimes happens like this: First come the audacious promises, then the loud disappointment, then the quiet success, and then the world changes.”
-

Read more quotes:

Have you noticed that many of the most creative people in the world have numerous passions and interests?

They’re not isolated on a solitary little island of music or dance or painting — they’re involved in numerous creative streams that feed each other.

Think of Lin-Manuel Miranda applying his love of hip-hop beats to the Broadway smash-hit musical Hamilton. Or Claudio Sanchez, frontman of the band Coheed and Cambria, weaving his sci-fi graphic novel stories into concept albums that have sold over one million records. Or Kurt Vonnegut, incorporating fantastical drawings into his iconic novels.

Neil Gaiman says most of his creative inspiration comes from outside the world of writing. In a recent MasterClass, Gaiman credited musicians Lou Reed and David Bowie as two of the biggest influences upon his work, and he said anything can be used as inspiration for writing.

Similarly, Malcolm Gladwell says that some of his best insights come from exploring “other islands” that are remotely connected to his writing topic:

“A pattern is something that appears in different worlds simultaneously…In order to see the trend, you just need to spend a little bit of time in those different worlds (music, fashion, sports, etc.). So I always think part of what I need to do in order to kind of understand what’s going on is to make sure that I’m regularly leaving my own little island and visiting other islands.”

Gladwell’s 2013 book David and Goliath is a living example of visiting other islands. That book explores the hidden advantages of underdogs. Gladwell says that when he researched theological texts about the Biblical shepherd boy toppling the giant, all of them said the same thing. There was nothing new, nothing fresh.

Then he read a random medical paper written by an endocrinologist that injected new meaning into the Biblical story. The endocrinologist explained that Goliath likely had a rare medical condition (acromegaly) that led to his incredible height but also made him partially blind. Given that medical condition, David wasn’t as much of an underdog as we commonly think.

That insight became the foundation for Gladwell’s book about why we tend to overestimate giants and underestimate feisty underdogs.

“A story can live in a variety of worlds…when we try to tell a story, we think a story belongs to a world and we stay within that world,” says Gladwell. “And that’s a really good way to be boring and to miss truths.”

The best way to explore a topic is to approach it from a new angle. Connect two worlds that haven’t been connected before.

Embrace your diverse interests

I’ve read multiple authors who advise writing about only one or two topics. They say it’s crucial to concentrate on your niche and dominate that niche.

I disagree.

Each writer has a diverse array of interests. By embracing your unique intersection of passions, you can write more enjoyable and meaningful content. Write at the cross-sections of your passions, combining ideas from one field into another. This liberal arts style of writing can help you create something innovative and uniquely beautiful.

“Don’t throw any of yourself away. Don’t worry about a grand scheme or unified vision for your work,” writes Austin Kleon. “Don’t worry about unity — what unifies your work is the fact that you made it. One day, you’ll look back and it will all make sense.”

You can’t become an exceptional writer without getting out and experiencing the world. Your knowledge of other domains will not only fuel your creative tank but also generate insights for your work.

Experience the world

This is one of the reasons why so many writers prioritize travel: they’re plumbing for stories that can inject more meaning and humanity into their work. They want to taste the chocolatey sweetness of gelato in Florence, scale the Swiss alps, and feel the sting of the Saharan sun. These experiences change a person. Every country, every landmark, every culture you experience adds an arrow into your quiver of stories to be loosed upon the world at the proper time.

“Your brain gets too comfortable in your everyday surroundings,” says Austin Kleon. “You need to make it uncomfortable. You need to spend some time in another land, among people that do things differently than you. Travel makes the world look new, and when the world looks new, our brains work harder.”

But travel isn’t the only way to experience the world and equip yourself with stories. As Robert Greene says, everything is material: overheard dialogue, interactions with friends, meetings at work, books, music on the radio, strangers you pass on the street.

Some of your best material will come from unexpected places — if you leave your mind open and your pen uncapped.

Don’t limit yourself to only the influences in your genre, your town, your culture. Drink from a wide-brimmed glass of creative inspiration.

*This is a throwback post from several years ago, before I was writing on Substack. I wrote it when I turned 36, reflecting on my life so far.

If I had a time machine, I’d travel back to share these lessons with 20-year-old Bobby…

Don’t put your identity in your work. Jobs come and go, and they can sometimes beat you up. Rather than viewing your job (or job title) as your identity, view it as clothes that you put on and take off. Your job isn’t who you are—it’s just what you’re “wearing” right now. What you actually are is the collection of all of your thoughts, skills, virtues, and relationships.

Begin etching your tombstone: become known for something. When friends introduce you to someone new, they’ll often share one tidbit about you. What do you want that tidbit to be? Build your life in a way that supports that desired identity.

View every minute of every day as an investment. You decide whether to invest it in reading, building relationships, watching TV, doom-scrolling, etc. Which investments do you think will pay off the most?

Be efficient with processes and effective with people. Efficiency is best applied to systems and processes—not humans. In every relationship, focus on quality and authenticity rather than quantity and productivity.

Spend time with people you want to “look like” in five years. As author Charlie ‘Tremendous’ Jones said, “What you will become in five years will be determined by what you read and who you associate with.”

Less certainty, more inquiry. I have unmade-up my mind about many things in the past 15–20 years. It’s funny looking back at how confident I used to be about topics I now think either (A) don’t matter or (B) don’t have a right answer. Embrace doubt and curiosity rather than correct answers.

Everything is gray area. My buddy Cris says this all the time, and I agree. I used to see many things in absolutes, but I’ve realized that most things depend on circumstances. The same decision can be 100% correct in one situation and 100% incorrect in a slightly different situation.

Run toward the fire. If you do the things that scare you, you’ll simultaneously develop skills, confidence, character, and reputation. Use fear as a compass that points toward what will teach you the most.

Every skill feeds others. Mental health builds physical health, and vice versa. (Example: Developing mental toughness helps you run further, and running further helps develop mental toughness.) Similarly, improving empathy improves leadership, and vice versa. Everything is connected.

Get 1% better every day. James Clear did the math for all of us in his book Atomic Habits—if you get 1% better at a skill every day for one year, you’ll be 37 times as good at that skill at the end of the year. Small changes lead to massive progress.

Everyone is on a different timeline. It’s easy to look at someone else and think, “They’re my same age, and they’ve accomplished so much more than me.” But every person’s life, situation, and timeline is different. You’re doing just fine.

Focus on step #1. Big, hairy, audacious goals are scary. The best way to accomplish something huge is to forget about steps 2 through 100. Just identify step #1 and complete it. Only then should you worry about step #2.

Implement the 20-mile march. Explorer Roald Amundsen led the first successful expedition to the South Pole. His secret? His team steadily marched 20 miles per day, regardless of the weather. Dogged consistency helped Amundsen defeat rival explorer Robert Falcon Scott, whose team sometimes didn’t make any progress if the weather was poor. Whatever skill you’re trying to develop, focus on making progress every single day.

Follow your curiosity. More inventions were discovered through raw curiosity than the desire to make money. If you’re curious about something, go learn about it. You have more knowledge at your fingertips now than at any previous time in history (TED talks, MasterClasses, books, articles, podcasts, the Internet, etc.).

Become known as the question-asker, not the answer-giver. Questions are the keys that open doors and unlock insights in conversations. A question that is 20% better can often yield an answer that is 200% better. Take the time to find the better question.

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Don’t bridle your passions. It’s better to be the weird guy who knows what he likes than to be the “cool” guy who’s always looking over his shoulder to determine what others think. Follow your random passions and interests. Own them. Wear them.

Desire less. As Seneca said, “Being poor is not having too little, it is wanting more.” Stop playing the foolish game of thinking, “I’ll be happy if I buy a new house, write a bestselling book, save up enough money to retire, blah blah blah.” You’re perfectly “rich” right now if you stop wanting more things. Material goods don’t cause happiness.

Give others your undivided attention. Our society lives in a constant state of “continuous partial attention” (term coined by Linda Stone). When was the last time someone fully paid attention to you without checking their phone? Give that small but powerful gift to others.

Focus is a superpower. In a world of nonstop distractions, you’ll stand out in work and in life if you can maintain focus on a single task. Become a relentless single-tasker and you’ll see your productivity skyrocket.

You control your reality. “Our life is dyed by the color of our thoughts,” said Marcus Aurelius. It’s your choice how to respond to difficult situations. There is a gap between stimulus and response. You get to choose how to fill that gap.

Become a person defined by action. “Waiting on the world to change” doesn’t work. Situations don’t improve on their own. If you run into a roadblock, plow through it. If you have a problem with someone, give them feedback. If you want something to be different, become the difference.

Impatient with actions, patient with results. Don’t wait to act, but don’t assume that action will always produce an immediate impact. Change takes time, and the most important changes often take the longest (overcoming an addiction, losing weight, building your character, etc.).

When building a habit, five minutes is enough. The difference between not working out versus doing 20 pushups is enormous. Same with not writing anything versus writing for five minutes. The funny thing is, the difference between doing the task for five minutes versus five hours isn’t actually that big when it comes to building the habit. But the difference between zero minutes and five minutes? Fucking huge. Just don’t put up a zero. Long streaks begin by starting small.

Take a walk every day. Spending time in nature offers endless benefits: lower stress, increased relaxation, increased happiness, lower blood pressure, better sleep, etc. I find that a 30-minute walk every afternoon recharges me to finish my work day strong and more fully enjoy my day.

Try to view yourself as a third-party observer would. Self-reflection is more powerful if you can override the gut reflex to defend your actions or regard yourself as the hero of every story. Strive to view your actions the way a neutral observer would: What would an objective journalist write about what you did?

Launch an “MVP” whenever possible. Rather than building a fully-fledged solution, most startups opt to build a “minimum viable product” (slimmed-down version of the idea) to test whether the concept works and gather initial feedback. You can use this same principle for almost anything in life.

Look at the safe water while paddling. Kayakers are supposedly more likely to wipe out if they focus on the gnarly rapids (what they don’t want to paddle through) than if they focus on the smooth water (what they do want to paddle through). The same principle applies in life. Focus on what you want to happen rather than on what you don’t want to happen.

Live for all seven days — not just the weekend. Don’t complain about Mondays. It’s fine to get excited on Fridays because you’re about to have two days off, but if your work is so awful that you feel the need to complain every Monday, find another job. Life is too short.

Use setbacks to practice virtues. Didn’t get the job you wanted? You get to improve your resume. Break a bone? You get to practice discipline to heal your body. Fail at something? You get to practice mental toughness. Every failure is a chance to develop a new facet of your character or abilities.

Honey is sweeter than vinegar. Is there someone who seems to dislike you? The best way to win them over is to treat them like a mentor. Ask for their advice. They’ll think you must be smart for seeing how smart they are, and they’ll come to love you for it.

Write with your pen, not your mouth. This applies to any endeavor. Don’t brag about something before you’ve done it, like posting a picture of your running shoes on Instagram when you begin training for an Ironman. Put in the work first. Don’t get high on kudos you don’t yet deserve.

“Hard choices, easy life. Easy choices, hard life.” Olympic weightlifter Jerzy Gregorek teaches that discipline (short-term difficulty) actually leads to happiness and freedom (long-term ease). This goes for investing, exercising, dieting, and a host of other life choices.

Steal good ideas. It took me a long time to realize that every successful person I knew was a perpetual purloiner of other people’s powers. Austin Kleon’s book Steal Like an Artist helped me realize that imitation isn’t just the sincerest form of flattery, it’s also what drives innovation.

Failure is necessary. Whenever I make a big mistake, I remind myself of Winston Churchill’s (attributed) quote, “Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” Failure—both large and small—is normal. What matters is what you do next.

Determine what you were put on this planet to do. My life made way more sense once I unearthed my deepest passion (helping people develop into better leaders and learners). It took a lot of introspection to hit that realization, but it’s given me more focus and happiness because I can now choose hobbies, jobs, and projects that align with that passion.

Bring heaven to earth. Some of the most selfish people I know are the ones who are focused on reaching heaven in the afterlife. Some of the least selfish people I know are those who are focused on helping people experience heaven here on earth (feeding the hungry, caring for the needy, etc.). You bring heaven or hell to others by your actions in the here and now.

Now, does anyone have a time machine I can borrow?

Twenty-year-old Bobby would be grateful.

I never thought I’d be interested in reading obscure economics books, but I decided to take the plunge into behavioral economics when my favorite grad school professor recommended a book called Predictably Irrational.

Within the first 50 pages, I was hooked. I realized that behavioral economics uncovers what’s wrong with the traditional economics models that many academics have been trotting out to students for years.

Behavioral economics fascinates me because it’s so real. It’s not based on theory—it’s based on how consumers actually behave. It sits at the nexus of economics, psychology, and marketing—helping explain how our brains trick us every day as we evaluate sale items at the grocery store, choose between different sizes of drinks at the coffee shop, and fill our imaginary carts with goodies on Amazon.

As soon as I started to read about behavioral economics, I fell in love with the topic and began to read many of the top books in the field. Here are the seven best books I’ve found.

Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely

Book Summary:

As I mentioned above, Predictably Irrational lit my passion for behavioral economics. Ariely fiercely counters the common theory that consumers are rational beings who conduct extensive cost-benefit analyses before every purchase.

His insights into consumer psychology helped me question why I make the decisions I do as a consumer: why I follow the crowd, why I tend to buy the same products my parents did, and why I automatically view expensive items as being of higher quality. If you’re interested in the intersection between economics and psychology, start here.

“What we’ve learned is that relying on standard economic theory alone as a guiding principle for building markets and institutions might, in fact, be dangerous.”

What I Learned from the Book:

Consumers make reliably strange decisions. Three quick examples:

• When faced with three options, we tend to purchase the middle-priced option (and companies sometimes offer higher-priced options just to convince us the middle one is not so expensive.)

• People ascribe more value to something just because they own it and would be afraid to lose it—a curiosity known as the “endowment effect.” For instance, when asked how much they would pay for a Duke vs. North Carolina basketball ticket, college students told Ariely they would give up $170. However, once a fan was the proud owner of a ticket, he or she was often not willing to part with it for anything under $2,400. Consumer irrationality at its finest!

• The first price we hear for a product has a long-term “anchoring” effect that influences how much we’re willing to pay for that product, even if the anchor is completely arbitrary.

Nudge by Richard Thaler and Cass Sunstein

Book Summary:

Thaler and Sunstein are a wicked combo. Thaler is a Nobel Prize winner, and Sunstein is a Harvard prof and legal scholar. This is definitely one of the best-known behavioral economics books, and it’s a fascinating view into how consumer psychology can be used to guide public policy decisions. That topic may sound boring, but the writers make it anything but. I learned a ton from this book, and it showed me that behavioral economics principles can be applied to many decisions.

“First, never underestimate the power of inertia. Second, that power can be harnessed.”

What I Learned from the Book:

The default option in many decisions has WAY more significance than you’d think. For example, twice as many people sign up for organ donation when states simply flip the default option from “No” to “Yes.”

Does it take much time to click a box to say “No”? Definitely not, but the default option sets an implicit standard that few people stray from.

This is one example of what the authors call “libertarian paternalism”: allow people to make their own choices, but if one option seems more beneficial for the person/country/society than the other, you may as well nudge them toward it. This logic gives some people the heeby jeebies, but the authors conclude that if something has to be the default, you may as well choose a default that leads to societal benefit.

Freakonomics by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner

Book Summary:

Arguably the most well-known book in this field, Freakonomics is a fun and crazy exploration of countless ridiculous questions that loosely pertain to economics. The authors cover queries such as the following:

• Why do drug dealers still live with their moms?

• Which is more dangerous, a gun or a swimming pool?

• How is the Ku Klux Klan like a group of real estate agents?

The book isn’t as scientifically rigorous as some others on this list, but it’s a lot more fun.

“Morality, it could be argued, represents the way that people would like the world to work, wheareas economics represents how it actually does work.”

What I Learned from the Book:

Commonly accepted wisdom isn’t necessarily accurate. It’s important to rely on data rather than conventional ideas because data is more reliable and can lead to some fascinating (and counterintuitive) answers.

Data also helps you avoid subjectivity because everyone is driven by personal interests and incentives. Remember that people often bend data to serve their narrative, so be sure to view any problem from multiple angles and beware of people only showing you one side of a complex issue.

Why We Buy by Paco Underhill

Book Summary:

I read this book 14 years ago when I was working as an Assistant Store Manager at Target. It was a perfect time to read it because I got to see Underhill’s insights come to life every day in the store. He explains what makes shoppers buy more products, why retail stores are laid out in a specific way, and why certain products are merchandised together. But even if you’re not a retail manager, Why We Buy is an eye-opening analysis of consumerism.

“Remember that more than 60 percent of what we buy wasn’t on our list.”

What I Learned from the Book:

Small details matter—everything from where the groceries are located to where you put the restroom. Examples:

• Customers tend to walk toward the right when they enter a store (because they’re used to driving on the right—the reverse happens in countries where people drive on the left).

• When you allow customers to physically touch products like clothing, they buy more of those items.

• The music played in a store affects who wants to shop there.

And because those tiny details impact thousands of guests entering each store (or e-commerce site), they can lead to millions of dollars in additional sales.

Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman

Book Summary:

Kahneman won a Nobel Prize in economics back in 2002, and he’s considered one of the pioneers in behavioral economics. His books tend to be dense and take a long time to read (this one is no exception), but they’re absolutely packed with compelling research and fascinating tidbits. Kahneman’s most recent book Noise (co-authored with Olivier Sibony and Cass Sunstein) is also great, but Thinking, Fast and Slow remains his best work. In it, he breaks down dozens of cognitive biases that affect daily decision-making.

“A reliable way to make people believe in falsehoods is frequent repetition, because familiarity is not easily distinguished from truth. Authoritarian institutions and marketers have always known this fact.”

What I Learned from the Book:

We have two mental systems that help us make decisions: intuition (”System 1”) and conscious, slower thinking (”System 2”). Intuition has its advantages, as Malcolm Gladwell teaches in his excellent book Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking. But our fast-twitch responses to many situations lead us to make some horrible decisions, as Kahneman outlines.

By taking our time, allowing our brains to take occasional breaks, and questioning our first choices, we can learn to make better, more informed decisions.

The Undercover Economist by Tim Harford

Book Summary:

The Undercover Economist is similar to Freakonomics in a few ways: it’s a mega-bestseller (sold over 1 million copies) that teaches economics principles while exploring the numbers that drive the world around us. Harford investigates what causes high coffee prices, traffic jams, and global poverty. And he does it all with a wry grin on his face, engaging you with stories and crazy facts you can use to impress your friends.

“Any well-run business would seek to charge each customer the maximum price he’d be willing to pay.”

What I Learned from the Book:

Companies will try any tactic to squeeze more money out of customers, including price gouging, artificially making products more scarce, and creating slightly different products that enable them to charge different prices. Because it’s illegal to charge different people different prices for the same product, many companies come up with slightly different ways of branding products, such as one for low-end and one for high-end customers.

Here are a few examples of interesting things companies do with pricing:

• IBM installed a special chip in their cheaper printer to slow it down, just so people would be more inclined to buy their higher-priced model.

• Marks & Spencer has two Simply Food stores within 1,500 feet of each other in London: one in the subway and one outside the subway. The two stores are similar, but customers incur 15 percent higher charges in the subway store.

• Coffeeshops like Starbucks will sometimes charge $1 or more for small add-ons or upgrades (a disproportionately large price compared to the full drink price) because they know plenty of rich customers will pay the exorbitant charge.

The Price of Everything by Eduardo Porter

Book Summary:

NY Times economic reporter Eduardo Porter is fascinated with opportunity costs. He recognizes that every decision has a tradeoff, and everything has a price, and this book is his investigation into those prices. The Price of Everything is arguably the least well-known book on this behavioral economics list, but it’s worth a read for anyone wanting to learn more about what consumers will and won’t do.

“Prices—how they are set, how people react to them—can tell us who people really are.”

What I Learned from the Book:

As Porter demonstrates, everything has a price—even people’s decisions about whether or not to have a baby and poor countries’ decisions about whether or not to store toxic waste for richer nations.

It’s uncomfortable to put a price on things like this, but every product, service, or decision in the world ultimately has a tipping point: below X price, people will buy/do it, and above that price, people won’t.

*Note: Each book includes an affiliate link from Bookshop.org. If you purchase one, you’ll support me and local bookstores at no extra cost to you. Win-win!

If you want to dive into the fascinating world of behavioral economics, you’ll love these seven books.

They’ll give you a great introduction to the field and also give you plenty of ammunition to argue with classical economists at your next highbrow dinner party.

Happy reading!

One of the most impactful concepts I’ve learned from my reading is the philosophy of Stoicism. I now view it as one of the core operating systems of my life, and you’ll begin to see why in this post.

What Is Stoicism?

The school of Stoic philosophy was founded in Greece by Zeno around 300 B.C. It’s centered around four cardinal virtues (wisdom, temperance, justice, and courage), and one of the core tenets of Stoic thought is to differentiate between what you can and can’t control in life, then focus entirely on the former.

Stoicism has guided titans of history ever since, including George Washington, Montaigne, Adam Smith, Mary Wollstonecraft, and Teddy Roosevelt.

But its prominence surged recently due to authors like Ryan Holiday and proponents like Tim Ferriss, Arianna Huffington, and General James Mattis.

“Stoicism is a fantastic operating system for thriving in high-stress environments.” -Tim Ferriss

I’ve been reading about Stoicism for the past 10 years. I’ve read the foundational texts as well as modern-day ones, so friends often ask me for recommendations to learn more about this ancient school of philosophy that has helped millions of people.

If you’ve heard people mention Stoicism but you’ve always wondered what it’s all about, this list will help you get started. I’ve structured these seven books in order of when I think you should read each book, based on approachability, length, and impact.

Book #1 — The Obstacle Is the Way by Ryan Holiday

When It Was Written: 2014

Why You Should Read It: The Obstacle Is the Way is the best gateway drug to Stoicism. It’s a lean 200 pages, and Holiday’s writing is full of stories and pithy quotes. Plus, this book kicked off the modern-day Stoic movement. After it was published, several prominent sports teams like the Seattle Seahawks and New England Patriots said the book had a huge impact on their success, which prompted tons more people to read it.

What to Expect: Lots of short chapters full of anecdotes from throughout history (including business, art, and athletics)

The Biggest Lesson I Learned: One of the most important life lessons anyone can learn is to focus on what you can control and not worry about what you can’t. That concept lives at the core of Stoicism, and it’s a useful mindset for approaching any challenge. As a few examples of what we can and can’t control:

• Controllable: Work ethic, preparation, mentality, how you rebound after failure

• Uncontrollable: Others’ actions, emotions, opinions, etc.

Two Passages I Loved:

“It’s not just: How can I think this is not so bad? No, it is how to will yourself to see that this must be good—an opportunity to gain a new foothold, move forward, or go in a better direction. Not ‘be positive’ but learn to be ceaselessly creative and opportunistic.

Not: This is not so bad.
But: I can make this good.”
-Ryan Holiday

“Just because the conditions aren’t exactly to your liking, or you don’t feel ready yet, doesn’t mean you get a pass. If you want momentum, you’ll have to create it yourself, right now, by getting up and getting started.” -Ryan Holiday

Book #2 — The Practicing Stoic by Ward Farnsworth

When It Was Written: 2018

Why You Should Read It: The Practicing Stoic is a fantastic overview of Stoic thought. In this philosophical primer, law professor and former dean Ward Farnsworth provides a smattering of quotes and insights from Stoics throughout history.

What to Expect: Every chapter explains how the Stoics approach a different topic, like death, wealth, emotion, adversity, etc. Farnsworth briefly frames each topic, then the rest of each chapter contains passages from Stoic thinkers. He includes insights from the “Big Three” in Stoicism (Seneca, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelius) as well as other more modern Stoics (Samuel Johnson, Montaigne, Schopenhauer, Emerson, etc.)

The Biggest Lesson I Learned: When we are upset, we have no one to blame but ourselves. I’m in charge of my own emotions, and you’re in charge of yours. If you wrong me, I get to decide how to respond. I can choose whether or not I want to feel “harmed” by what you did.

Two Passages I Loved:

“Nothing is heavy if we take it lightly; nothing need provoke anger if one does not add one’s anger to it.” -Seneca

“There is no difference, so far as contentment is concerned, between having something and not caring whether you have it. The second route is often easier.”
-Ward Farnsworth

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Book #3 — On the Shortness of Life by Seneca

*Note: I read the translation by C. D. N. Costa, which was excellent. That’s also the translation recommended by Ryan Holiday and his team at The Daily Stoic.

When It Was Written: Roughly AD 49

Why You Should Read It: In terms of insights per page, On the Shortness of Life may be the best ROI you’ll ever get. It’s a slim 100 pages, and it reframed the way I think about life, death, productivity, prosperity, and mental health. Seneca’s1 other books like Letters from a Stoic are also amazing, but much longer and denser. Start here, get your feet wet, then dive into the deep end with some of Seneca’s other work.

What to Expect: On the Shortness of Life is chock full of quotes that could keep your Twitter or Instagram account buzzing for days. (Btw, here’s a long list of my favorite quotes from the book.) Seneca is one of history’s deepest thinkers, and he’ll prompt you to consider what you’re doing with your life.

The Biggest Lesson I Learned: It helped me re-evaluate where I’m spending my time and what I’m allowing into my head. Am I focused on the right things? How much time am I spending on what’s most important to me? Am I allowing myself to get anxious about things that don’t matter?

Two Passages I Loved:

“It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievements if it were all well invested.” -Seneca

“I imagine many people could have achieved wisdom if they had not imagined they had already achieved it.” -Seneca

Book #4 — Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

*Note: Get the translation by Gregory Hays. In ancient books like this, translations can be the difference between a book that’s easy to understand and one you don’t want to finish.

When It Was Written: Roughly AD 161-180

Why You Should Read It: Marcus Aurelius kept a journal when he was the Roman Emperor. It’s not often we get to take a peek into the pages of a powerful person’s diary, and that’s exactly what this is. He didn’t intend for it to be published, and it’s a fascinating look into the types of things he reminded himself every day.

What to Expect: Even though this book was written 2,000 years ago, it reads easily. I enjoyed it enough that I’ve already read it a couple of times, and I’ll continue to revisit it throughout my life. Meditations is full of little things Marcus was trying to improve in his mental life: equanimity, work ethic, perseverance, etc.

The Biggest Lesson I Learned: Marcus realized that humans are inherently lazy, so he did everything in his power to notice negative traits in himself and work to overcome them. If one of the most powerful men in history had to remind himself of little mantras and principles, I need to do the same.

Two Passages I Loved:

“Our life is dyed by the color of our thoughts.” -Marcus Aurelius

“Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself.” -Marcus Aurelius

Book #5 — The Art of Living by Epictetus (A new interpretation by Sharon Lebell)

When It Was Written: 1994, based on Epictetus’s work from roughly AD 125

Why You Should Read It: The Art of Living is another 100-page book that punches way above its weight class. If you’re not sure you want to dive fully into Epictetus’s larger work yet2, this is a great stepping stone.

What to Expect: Short chapters full of memorable wisdom. This is a modern interpretation that’s largely pulled from Epictetus’s The Enchiridion. It’s not a direct translation. Lebell took Epictetus’s insights and shaped them into a powerful and eminently readable little book.

The Biggest Lesson I Learned: There’s a difference between what happened and your interpretation of what happened. All events are neutral, even things like losing a job or breaking an arm. We get to determine how we respond to that neutral event, and that response can lead to either positive or negative outcomes in our lives. (Shockingly, I’ve found this to be true in my own life, such as losing a job only to later find a better one.)

Two Passages I Loved:

“When something happens, the only thing in your power is your attitude toward it; you can either accept it or resent it. What really frightens and dismays us is not external events themselves, but the way in which we think about them. It is not things that disturb us, but our interpretation of their significance.” -Epictetus (interpreted by Sharon Lebell)

“It is always our choice whether or not we wish to pay the price for life’s rewards.”
-Epictetus (interpreted by Sharon Lebell)

Book #6 — Discourses by Epictetus

When It Was Written: Roughly AD 108

Why You Should Read It: Discourses is the main surviving work of Epictetus (and the version I’ve linked here also contains his smaller manual The Enchiridion). Epictetus’s life proves that Stoicism can be used by anyone in any situation. Unlike others on this list like Marcus Aurelius and Seneca, Epictetus wasn’t rich and powerful. He was born into slavery and—even after he was freed—lived a life of simplicity.

What to Expect: The book is laid out in a series of numbered passages, and each contains a short lesson. It’s slightly harder to read than Meditations, but still quite approachable considering it was written shortly after Jesus walked the Earth.

The Biggest Lesson I Learned: Not only is every event neutral, but it’s possible to benefit (at least in a small way) from anything that happens in life. Epictetus says, “Everything, you see, that you throw at me I will transform into a blessing, a boon—something dignified, even enviable.” Even though they can really suck, challenges develop us into stronger people.

Two Passages I Loved:

“So is it possible to benefit from these circumstances? Yes, from every circumstance, even abuse and slander. A boxer derives the greatest advantage from his sparring partner—and my accuser is my sparring partner. He trains me in patience, civility and even temper.” -Epictetus

“We forever compound our problems and make our situations out to be worse than they actually are. So, for instance, whenever I’m on board ship and gaze into the deep, or look around me and see nothing but ocean, I’m gripped by terror, imagining that if we wreck I will have to swallow all this sea. It doesn’t occur to me that around three pints will about do me in. So is it the sea that terrifies me? No, it is my imagination.” -Epictetus

Book #7 — Letters from a Stoic by Seneca

When It Was Written: Roughly AD 63-65

Why You Should Read It: Letters from a Stoic is one of the three foundational texts of Stoicism, and it’s packed with insights on how to live a better life. The book is written as a series of letters from Seneca to his friend Lucilius, talking him through how to approach various problems in life.

What to Expect: This is the densest book on the list. I loved it and learned countless insights, but it was still a tough book to finish because it’s long and meaty, which is why I put it last on this list. It’s definitely worth your time, but work your way up to it.

The Biggest Lesson I Learned: Don’t allow the future to torture you. We can’t control the future (or the past), so the better part of wisdom is learning how to live 100 percent in the present. That’s easy to say and difficult to do. It requires mental exercise, which Seneca details in this book.

Two Passages I Loved:

“The present alone can make no man wretched.” -Seneca

“As long as you live, keep learning how to live.” -Seneca

One Final Note

There are three foundational books of Stoicism:

• Letters from a Stoic by Seneca

• Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

• Discourses (and Enchiridion) by Epictetus

I included all three above, but I’ve also included more recent books because I’ve noticed that some people are apprehensive of diving straight into a 2,000-year-old book of philosophy. Plus, the newer books do a good job of building on this old school of Stoic wisdom.

None of the foundational books is as crazy difficult as David Foster Wallace or James Joyce. They’re all fairly approachable. However, many readers may enjoy dipping their toes in the water by first reading the books I’ve outlined above.

I hope you enjoy these great books. Each one includes an affiliate link from Bookshop.org. (If you buy one, you’ll support me as well as local bookstores. Win-win!)

*This article was originally published as a guest post for .

I’ve collected quotes for many years. My database now contains thousands of them, and every month I add the best ones I find in books, articles, newsletters, TED talks, YouTube videos, podcasts, etc.

Here are the best quotes I found this month:

“It’s better to create something that others criticize than to create nothing and criticize others.” -Ricky Gervais

“There are those who see what should be, and complain that they do not get their due. And then there are those who see what is, and figure out how to use it to their advantage. Or at the least, overcome it.” -James Islington (The Will of the Many)

“Investing is the art of figuring out how and why other people make decisions.” -Morgan Housel

“Everyone must choose one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.” -Jim Rohn

“Evil usually enters the world unrecognized by the people who open the door and let it in. Most people who perpetrate evil do not see what they are doing as evil. Evil exists primarily in the eye of the beholder, especially in the eye of the victim.” -Roy Baumeister

“Life is like a ten speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.” -Charles Schulz

“Definitions belong to the definers, not the defined.” -Toni Morrison

“There is always constant pressure to conform. But originality only happens on the edges of reality. And working on that line is always dangerous because it’s only a short step to disconnected insanity. So resist temptations and advice to play in the middle. The best work always comes from pushing the edge.” -Darren Aronofsky

“Good things happen when you show up as yourself.” -Unknown

“There can be no love without honesty.” -James Islington (The Will of the Many)

“You should be glad you’re nervous...Nervousness means there’s a fear to be faced ahead...The man who is never nervous, never does anything hard. The man who is never nervous, never grows.” -James Islington (The Will of the Many)

“You only know someone well if you can correctly predict how they will react in stressful situations.” -Morgan Housel

“If you’re following your calling, the fatigue will be easier to bear, the disappointments will be fuel, the highs will be like nothing you’ve ever felt.” -Phil Knight

“All your life, you will be faced with a choice. You can choose love or hate…I choose love.” -Johnny Cash

“You can’t ever reach perfection, but you can believe in an asymptote toward which you are ceaselessly striving.” -Paul Kalanithi

“The better you get at what you do, the more people pay attention and the more you can charge...The reward for going from the top 10% to the top 1% isn’t 10x. It’s more like 1000x.” -Kieran Drew

“Presence is being well-known for the right reasons. Think of it as reach multiplied by reputation.” -Kieran Drew

“Never be afraid to sit awhile and think.” -Lorraine Hansberry

“Little things done well is probably the greatest secret to success. If you do enough small things right, big things can happen.” -John Wooden

“Trust (people) and they will be true to you; treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

“High achievers tend to have major weaknesses. People without major weaknesses tend to be mediocre.” -Guy Kawasaki

Read more quotes:

When he was Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius kept a journal. He didn’t intend for it to be published, but it was later discovered and published as a book called Meditations.

That little book has now been read by thousands of people and has become one of the three foundational texts of Stoic philosophy (alongside Seneca’s Letters from a Stoic and Epictetus’s Discourses & Enchiridion).

Here are my favorite quotes from Marcus’s journal of Stoic wisdom…

Self-Discipline

• “Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself.”

• “Ambition is tying your well-being to what other people do and say. Sanity is tying it to your own actions.”

• “Those obsessed with glory attach their well-being to the regard of others, those who love pleasure tie it to feelings, but the one with true understanding seeks it only in their own actions.”

• “If anyone can prove and show to me that I think and act in error, I will gladly change it—for I seek the truth, by which no one has ever been harmed. The one who is harmed is the one who abides in deceit and ignorance.”

• “I’m constantly amazed by how easily we love ourselves above all others, yet we put more stock in the opinions of others than in our own estimation of self...How much credence we give to the opinions our peers have of us and how little to our very own.”

Equanimity

• “Never let the future disturb you.”

• “If you seek tranquility, do less.”

• “Sanity is tying happiness to your own actions.”

• “Our life is dyed by the color of our thoughts.”

• “The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.”

• “You see how few things you have to do to live a satisfying and reverent life?”

• “For nowhere can you find a more peaceful and less busy retreat than in your own soul. Treat yourself often to this retreat and be renewed.”

• “The tranquility that comes when you stop caring what they say. Or think, or do. Only what you do. (Is this fair? Is this the right thing to do?)”

• “Do less, better. Because most of what we say and do is not essential. If you can eliminate it, you’ll have more time, and more tranquility. Ask yourself at every moment, ‘Is this necessary?’”

• “Your mind will take the shape of what you frequently hold in thought, for the human spirit is colored by such impressions.”

Overcoming Difficulty

• “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”

• “A blazing fire makes flame and brightness out of everything that is thrown into it.”

• “Choose not to be harmed—and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed—and you haven’t been.”

• “Not to assume it’s impossible because you find it hard. But to recognize that if it’s humanly possible, you can do it too.”

• “What if someone despises me? Let them see to it. But I will see to it that I won’t be found doing or saying anything contemptible. What if someone hates me? Let them see to that. But I will see to it that I’m kind and good-natured to all, and prepared to show even the hater where they went wrong. Not in a critical way, or to show off my patience, but genuinely and usefully.”

• “If you find something very difficult to achieve yourself, don’t imagine it impossible—for anything possible and proper for another person can be achieved as easily by you.”

Justice

• “Just that you do the right thing. The rest doesn’t matter.”

• “Often injustice lies in what you aren’t doing, not only in what you are doing.”

• “Imagine that you have died. Now take what’s left of your life and live it properly.”

For more Stoic wisdom, check out this post:

Our society worships at the altar of hyperactivity. From workaholism and “hustle culture” to nonstop social media usage and screen-watching, it’s clear we don’t know how to slow down.

Sixty-hour workweeks are the prayers we send up to the career gods on high.

And if we hustle hard enough, work long enough, and advance far enough, we’ll be admitted into the pearly gates of success and satisfaction. In sainthood, we’ll reap our rewards: a fancy title, a fat bank account, and a Ferrari in the driveway.

As a society, we believe that hustling is the key to unlocking those rewards. We just need to work a little bit harder, sleep a little bit less, and grind a little bit more. This hyperactivity mindset bleeds into all facets of our lives, as we’re constantly plugged into our social media accounts, television sets, and computers.

We’re now socially conditioned to respond urgently to non-urgent things:  Slack messages, work emails, push notifications, texts. We’re always on, always plugged in.

Instead, we’re so focused on moving faster and getting ahead that we neglect to consider where we’re headed. We fixate upon what we want to have rather than who we want to become. We think more about the title we want on our office door than about the epitaph we want on our tombstone.

We make instant mental associations,  many of which are flawed or at least overly simplistic:

• Busy = Important

• Important = Rich

• Rich = Successful

• Successful = Happy

Our faulty mental equations imply that busyness leads to happiness. We naively assume that if we can look good on the outside, we’ll find fulfillment on the inside.

But that’s bullshit. Life doesn’t work like that.

Our hyperactivity model is flawed. Hyperactivity doesn’t lead to happiness; it leads to hypertension. I think we’re all looking for something more, even if we don’t realize it.

Amidst the chaos swirling around us, we can ground into deeper virtues — virtues that lead to true happiness and contentment.

The five virtues described below are overlooked in our busy world, but they offer a better path to success and fulfillment.

1. Solitude: Being alone without feeling lonely

“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” - Blaise Pascal

In our fast-paced, tech-dominated world, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to spend any time alone.

Many work in open-concept offices that deny even a minute of solitude. Modern conference rooms are made with glass walls, meaning employees cannot even hideaway to complete work in private. Instant messaging services like Slack and Teams are ubiquitous, setting the implicit standard that we all need to be connected all the time.

“Always on” means that we’re not only perpetually available for clients, but we’re also slaves to our colleagues’ spontaneous musings, questions, and cat videos.

After we finish our workdays, we run into other distractions. Our televisions are on for almost 5 hours per night, our cell phones chirp incessantly with new texts and notifications, and our social media pages tempt us to check the latest comments and likes we’ve received from our online communities.

Author John Graves wrote, “We don’t know much about solitude these days, nor do we want to. A crowded world thinks that aloneness is always loneliness, and that to seek it is perversion.”

It’s true: as a society, we are no longer comfortable being alone.

Solitude may not be comfortable, but it offers unique benefits that we cannot find amidst our status quo of hyperactivity.

Wise men and women throughout history have used solitude to guide them through tough situations. While the Civil War ravaged America, Abraham Lincoln retreated to a nearby cottage to rest, think, and ponder his response to the South’s secession. From the solitude of that cabin, Lincoln composed the Emancipation Proclamation.

John F. Kennedy embraced the quiet of the White House Rose Garden during the chilling moments of the Cuban Missile Crisis. He went there to flee his opinionated counselors and mine the depths of his soul to determine how best to handle the crisis.

“Solitude allows you to reflect while others are reacting,” says General James Mattis. “We need solitude to refocus on prospective decision-making, rather than just reacting to problems as they arise.”

Sometimes the best way to gain perspective on your world is to find a way to leave it. Solitude offers altitude on decisions. It helps us see the entire battlefield rather than narrowly focusing on what’s in front of us.

Solitude helps us cut through the clutter to determine what is most important — for our lives, careers, and future.

2. Stillness: Finding peace amidst the raging storm

“I could work at a problem for years, but to wait inactive for twenty-four hours — that is another matter.”  -The Time Traveller in H.G. Wells’s The Time Machine

Our society lauds busyness. “I’ve been busy” is a common refrain of those who want to seem important. A packed calendar indicates prestige and power, no less than a Brooks Brothers suit or a slick sports car.

But if we never take the time to slow down, can we ever do anything of substance?

It is in the moments of silence — not activity — that we develop character. Only when the body is quiet can the spirit speak. Our challenge is to cultivate stillness amidst the craziness of everyday life.

Whereas solitude pertains to our physical state, stillness pertains to our mental state. World-class athletes remain still amidst a crowd of screaming fans. Open-heart surgeons must find stillness in a frantic operating room in order to have a steady hand. Public speakers develop tactics to quiet their racing pulse while speaking in front of thousands.

Stillness has many names: mindfulness, presence, calmness, serenity. Those who find stillness are able to embrace the present moment, to sit in it without grasping for the future or wallowing in the past. They are able to slow their mind and soul even as the rest of the world speeds up.

MLB hitting coach Dave Hudgens describes how he can recognize stillness in his ballplayers: “I know when a hitter is locked in, or in the zone. Nothing is in their mind and everything slows down.”

Everything slows down. Wouldn’t it be great to experience that?

“It’s ironic that stillness is rare and fleeting in our busy lives because the world creates an inexhaustible supply of it,” says author Ryan Holiday. “It’s just that nobody is looking.”

We should look for and cultivate moments of stillness in our daily lives.

3. Self-Reflection: Examining one’s own life

“Self-reflection is the quality that most differentiates those who evolve quickly from those who don’t. Remember: Pain + Reflection = Progress.”  -Ray Dalio

In a world of go-go-go, it’s rare to find people who take the time to stop and evaluate where they’re going, why they’re going there, and how they’re living up to their own definition of success.

Our world has never seen more self-absorption and less self-reflection. We’re too busy posting on Instagram about our great lives to question whether we like what we see in the mirror.

Self-evaluation is uncomfortable. It doesn’t offer the instant gratification we’ve grown accustomed to from dopamine hits and nonstop entertainment. Just the opposite: self-reflection is often painful in the moment. It’s like hydrogen peroxide that stings when applied but heals over the long term.

Self-reflection is so rare today that we’re shocked when we see someone with a refined process of evaluating their own actions.

In her book Thinking in Bets, poker champion Annie Duke tells a story about legendary poker professional Phil Ivey. Ivey had just notched another tournament victory , winning $500,000. He went out for dinner that night with Annie’s brother Howard (who is also a poker professional). Howard expected a night of champagne and revelry to celebrate Ivey’s big win. Instead, Ivey spent the evening analyzing all of the poker hands he thought he could have played better. He was more interested in learning from his failures than celebrating his victories. Howard realized that Ivey’s intense self-reflection was a core aspect of Ivey’s success.

Self-reflection involves investing time no one will ever see (journaling, meditating, praying, etc.) to strengthen and deepen your character. Others will see the fruit of your labor, but they will never see the hard work it took to get there. The seeds of character are often planted in the dark.

4. Selflessness: Serving something greater than yourself

“There is joy in self-forgetfulness. So I try to make the light in others’ eyes my sun, the music in others’ ears my symphony, the smile on others’ lips my happiness.”
-Helen Keller

For the first time in history, we have virtually unlimited access to tools that can broadcast our every move and thought. We’re encouraged to share our vacation pics on Instagram, our career successes on LinkedIn, our pithy musings on Twitter, and our hilarious videos on TikTok and YouTube. This access has unleashed millions of new creators upon the world.

The upshot of these social tools is that ordinary people can reach thousands of people instantly, which has brought much-needed attention to struggling artists, undiscovered musicians, and budding writers. But these social tools have also prompted each of us to turn inward more than ever before.

No social platform is inherently good or evil; they are what we make them out to be. But we have used them as mechanisms to feed our vanity, self-doubt, and selfishness.

As a result, humanity has become more self-absorbed than ever before.

If we can instead learn how to forget ourselves and put others first, we’ll find life to be much more abundant than we thought possible.

In his book The Second Mountain, David Brooks says that many people realize that scaling the mountain of career success is not fulfilling, so they seek out a “second mountain” — an opportunity to give back and help others.

“If the first mountain is about building up the ego and defining the self,” says Brooks, “the second mountain is about shedding the ego and losing the self. If the first mountain is about acquisition, the second mountain is about contribution. If the first mountain is elitist — moving up — the second mountain is egalitarian — planting yourself amid those who need, and walking arm in arm with them.”

Brooks goes on to say that “the health of society depends on voluntary unselfishness.” Society is fueled by large and small actions of unselfishness: feeding the homeless, sorting books at the local library, helping a friend move to a new apartment, or coaching an after-school program.

Losing oneself in a greater purpose is often the best way to find oneself.

5. Self-Discipline: Controlling one’s emotions and actions

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” -Aristotle

Self-discipline is a rare commodity these days. We’re surrounded by examples of emotion run amok — people who lead with their tongues rather than their minds. Political rants on Twitter. Vicious battles with online trolls. Shouting matches in the Senate chambers.

The world has a surprising lack of chill. And it’s getting worse, not better.

Emboldened by our current political climate and empowered by online anonymity, we succumb to our basest emotions. We’ve forgotten how to act with decorum, kindness, and tact.

Cambridge Dictionary defines self-discipline as “the ability to make yourself do things you know you should do even when you do not want to.”

At our core, we know we should be collaborative and kind. But we lack the self-discipline to flex those emotional muscles. Instead, we give in to the path of least resistance: treating others the way we feel like treating them.

Developing self-discipline requires us to take the high road — the one that is temporarily arduous and unsatisfying but ultimately more noble and virtuous.

Self-discipline means wielding your patience rather than your wit. It means adhering to a personal moral code rather than a societal common code. It means bridling the most rebellious stallions in the pasture: our ego and emotions.

Solitude, stillness, self-reflection, selflessness, and self-discipline are underappreciated virtues in our busy world.

There are hundreds of ways to embody these five virtues. Here are a few ideas for how we can start to orient ourselves toward this richer form of life:

• Schedule a solo retreat

• Begin a daily journaling practice

• Take time to rest and do nothing amidst the busyness of a frantic day

• Read deep, philosophical, challenging books

• Meditate

• Go on long walks

• Focus on what you can control — not what you can’t control

• Conduct a weekly personal retrospective

• Ask friends and family for feedback on how you can improve your character

• Volunteer to help an organization or cause greater than yourself

• Follow through on your commitments — even the small ones and even the ones you make to yourself

Society will do everything in her power to keep us running inside our hamster wheel of hyperactivity.

Are you going to keep running? Or is it time to find a better way?

When I started working in learning and development (L&D), I quickly discovered that people have a lot of opinions about how they learn best, but few of those opinions are grounded in reality.

The most common myth is the concept of “learning styles”: everyone learns in a different way, and people learn better when the mode of training matches their preferred style (visual, auditory, kinesthetic, reading/writing).

The only problem is…that theory hasn’t been validated by research. Several studies have flat-out contradicted that theory, yet the myth stubbornly lives on, influencing the way many people think about learning.

In a landmark 2008 study, cognitive psychologists Harold Pashler, Mark McDaniel, et al. set out to determine whether there’s sufficient evidence for the learning styles theory. Their research uncovered several studies that outrightly contradicted the theory and virtually no studies that supported it.

Yikes!

Psychological Science in the Public Interest (PSPI) had this to say about the research:

“A large number of studies have purported to show that different kinds of learners (such as “auditory learners” and “visual learners”) learn best when taught in their preferred modality; but the majority of such studies have not used the type of randomized research designs…that would make their findings credible. What psychological evidence does show is that people are inclined to hold false beliefs about how they learn and that they tend to learn and teach others in nonoptimal ways.”

People indeed have preferences for how to learn, but those preferences don’t line up with how people actually learn.

That means you can’t hide behind statements like “I’m more of a visual learner” or “I’m just not a book person,” as those sentiments likely point to personal preference instead of learning effectiveness.

So How Do People Actually Learn?

Thankfully, there’s a lot of rigorous, valid research about what works and doesn’t work — if you know where to look. For example, there’s a fantastic book called Make It Stick by Peter Brown, Henry Roediger III, and Mark McDaniel that unpacks what techniques help people retain knowledge long-term. (I highly recommend that book!)

Essentially, we learn best when the instruction style matches the subject being taught.

It’s impossible to learn archery by sitting in a classroom — you need the bow in your hands. You can’t learn to dance by reading a book — you need to lace up your shoes.

Geometry should be taught visually, stories should be taught verbally, project management should be taught experientially, and so on.

The best teachers and corporate trainers recognize how to teach their topics and use whatever training mechanisms best support the subject at hand.

This is why workplace behavioral skills like leadership or effective communication are hard to convey in an e-learning module — it isn’t “human” enough. Long before computers (or classrooms, for that matter) existed, people learned how to be good leaders or strong collaborators by listening to stories from others who did it well. Stories help us visualize someone else’s situation and consider how we would respond if placed in a similar position.

Many other research-backed methods have been proven to help people learn. Here are a few:

• Spaced repetition (repeatedly reviewing content in a way that overcomes the “Ebbinghaus forgetting curve”)

• Self-quizzing (and other methods of prompting frequent recall of information)

• Interleaving (intermixing learning on different, albeit related skills)

• Integrative elaboration (connecting new information to concepts you already know and understand)

• Personal reflection (journaling about insights and key takeaways)

If you’re trying to learn any new skill, it’s important to know how your brain does — and doesn’t — process information.

Refuse to blindly accept the learning myths you’ve heard. Seek out knowledge yourself. Re-learn how to learn. Read books like Make It Stick, follow learning gurus like and Josh Bersin, and dive into the research.

Rather than catering to mythical “styles,” find the best mechanism(s) for each specific skill you need to learn, and use those research-backed methods to drive success.

For the past decade, I’ve been reading at least 70 books per year (mostly nonfiction).

I love page-turning true stories, and these 20 books are the fastest-paced ones I’ve found. I included a three-sentence summary of each.

20. A Night to Remember by Walter Lord

Walter Lord invites you on board the world’s largest and fanciest ship. You’ll feel the excitement of its 1912 maiden voyage, blissful ignorance while the ship scrapes an iceberg, and an icy chill when you plunge into 28°F water. I didn’t know it was possible to write a historical book so short (182 pages) yet so impactful—especially about a disaster I thought I already knew (the Titanic).

19. Hatching Twitter by Nick Bilton

Many companies have fascinating founding stories, but Twitter’s is the craziest I’ve ever read. One-by-one, each Twitter co-founder was stabbed in the back by their co-workers and/or investors. I was also surprised to learn that the company essentially began as a podcasting company called Odeo, then pivoted into the social media platform we know today.

18. Catch Me If You Can by Frank Abagnale

Eighteen-year-old Frank Abagnale allegedly impersonated a pilot, a lawyer, and a doctor while pulling off cons for millions of dollars. Confidence can be a superpower, and Abagnale got away with most of his cons through sheer audacity. Even though the veracity of his story has been called into question, the book remains a page-turner about a young kid lying his ass off and taking advantage of the system.

17. Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer

Fourteen years ago, I asked one of the senior leaders at my company about his favorite leadership books, and his #1 book caught me by surprise: Into Thin Air. Krakauer’s memoir about a disastrous hike on Mount Everest is not only fast-paced, it’s also a manual on how to make better decisions, listen to wise counsel, and prepare for difficult projects. I read it and have been a Krakauer fan ever since.

16. Bringing Down the House by Ben Mezrich

Mezrich’s book about Ivy Leaguers fleecing casinos became the Hollywood blockbuster 21. But it’s more than just a blackjack story. Bringing Down the House shows what happens when powerful people find out you’ve found a way to rig the system ever-so-slightly in your favor.

15. The River of Doubt by Candice Millard

When he lost his final bid for the U.S. presidency, Teddy Roosevelt defaulted to his standard response amidst failure: tackling an immense new challenge—one that would help him re-prove exactly how badass he was. Roosevelt set his sights on the Amazon to explore a dangerous, previously uncharted river mysteriously called "The River of Doubt." Millard's tale is a nonfiction triumph.

14. The Secret Race by Tyler Hamilton & Daniel Coyle

Olympic gold medal cyclist Tyler Hamilton teamed up with author Daniel Coyle to write this tell-all book about Lance Armstrong and doping in U.S. cycling. Hamilton explains that Armstrong not only used performance-enhancing drugs but also pushed them on teammates. It’s one thing to hear accusations from reporters and critics, but it’s another for a teammate to write a book exposing the scandal from the inside.

13. Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer

Krakauer makes the list again with this investigative journalism tale about a double murder with ties to the Fundamentalist LDS church. The tale is gritty, violent, and unbelievable, touching on modern-day polygamy and FLDS history. FX later dramatized the story with a TV series starring Andrew Garfield and Sam Worthington.

12. Foxcatcher by Mark Schultz

The du Pont family earned billions from gunpowder, chemicals, and automotives, turning them into one of America’s richest families. A chunk of the family fortune passed down to John du Pont, who established a world-class training facility (“Foxcatcher”) for Olympic wrestlers like Dave and Mark Schultz. The brothers tolerated du Pont’s eccentric behavior so they could use the facility, but they came to regret that choice (in a big way).

11. The Stranger Beside Me by Ann Rule

While working at a Seattle crisis clinic, Rule befriended a nice guy named Ted. Years later, she was tasked with writing a book about the serial killings that had ravaged Washington and the Northwest. She was shocked when the police investigations led to a familiar face: her friend Ted Bundy.

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10. Killers of the Flower Moon by David Grann

Throughout the 1910s-1930s, dozens of Native Americans from Osage Nation were systematically killed by people trying to claim their oil rights. The flurry of murders prompted a federal government investigation, which later led to the creation of the FBI. Grann’s book pulls back the covers on this sad but true story that never showed up in any of my American history textbooks.

9. Blind Eye by James Stewart

Death followed Dr. Michael Swango everywhere. As soon as he arrived in a hospital, patients’ conditions would inevitably worsen, which led some hospital employees to joke about Swango’s bad luck—while others suspected something more sinister. In addition to being a fascinating story about a morbid serial killer, this book reveals the massive flaws in our medical system that allowed Swango to bounce from one hospital to another, even after colleagues caught on to his tactics.

8. Educated by Tara Westover

Westover graduated with a PhD from Cambridge in 2014. Based on her resume, you’d never guess she was raised by a family that feared the government, refused medical treatment, practiced abuse and neglect, and spurned education. Her book is arguably the craziest memoir I’ve ever read.

7. Catch and Kill by Ronan Farrow

Ronan Farrow, an investigative journalist for The New Yorker, broke the story about Harvey Weinstein’s long history of sexual abuse in Hollywood. The most depressing part of this story is that multiple media executives and corporations tried to protect Weinstein and bury the scandal, even after learning the truth of the allegations. Read this book as a cautionary tale about money, power, and hierarchy.

6. Flash Boys by Michael Lewis

Lewis unearths the hidden secrets of high-frequency traders who rigged financial markets in their favor. His revelations caused quite a splash when Flash Boys came out in 2015, prompting Wall Street executives to try to cover up the various ways they’d been taking advantage of clients. Lewis has written some incredible books (Moneyball, The Big Short, The Blind Side, etc.), but this is the most gripping of them all.

5. The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson

Larson tells the story of the 1893 Chicago World’s Fair, the stage for feats of architectural wonder as well as diabolical acts of crime. Serial killer H.H. Holmes used the fair as a chance to lure victims to a hotel he outfitted for torture. Larson weaves historical nonfiction with artistic license, similar to Truman Capote’s In Cold Blood.

4. Molly’s Game by Molly Bloom

Through her raw determination, quick wit, and hard work, outsider Molly Bloom infiltrated the most elite circles of power in LA and NY to run high-stakes poker games for Tobey Maguire, Leonardo DiCaprio, Alex Rodriguez, Nelly, and other celebs. Even if you’ve seen the Aaron Sorkin movie, the book is well worth a read. This story is wild.

3. The Wager by David Grann

Grann skyrocketed to fame with bestsellers like Killers of the Flower Moon (mentioned earlier in this list) and The Lost City of Z. Those books are amazing, but his newest one is even better. It’s about a tragic shipwreck, life-or-death decisions, lies, mutiny, and murder.

2. American Kingpin by Nick Bilton

In February 2011, a new website called The Silk Road launched on the dark web and provided an online marketplace where people could purchase illegal drugs, weapons, and even paid assassins. The man behind the “Amazon for crime” turned out to be mild-mannered Ross Ulbricht, an Eagle Scout turned computer hacker who broke bad to become an online drug kingpin. The FBI had a hell of a time trying to track down Ulbricht, and Bilton provides the lurid details.

1. Bad Blood by John Carreyrou

Stanford student Elizabeth Holmes’s company Theranos was the talk of Silicon Valley after she landed a $10 billion valuation. But because she and her right-hand man knew their medical technology couldn’t do the things they promised, they lied about their product, then fired, harassed, and sued anyone who threatened to turn whistleblower. While writing Bad Blood, WSJ reporter John Carreyrou was tailed and threatened multiple times.

I hope you enjoy these great books. Each one includes an affiliate link from Bookshop.org. (If you buy one, you’ll support me as well as local bookstores. Win-win!)

*This article originally appeared as a guest post on .

I’ve collected quotes for many years. My database now contains thousands of them, and every month I add the best ones I find in books, articles, newsletters, TED talks, YouTube videos, podcasts, etc.

Here are the best quotes I found this month:

“Magic is just someone spending more time on something than anyone else might reasonably expect.” -Teller (of Penn & Teller)

“What we read will distill into us, and one day, rise to give us the strength and support we need.” -Hwang Bo-Reum

“Exponential growth looks like nothing is happening, and then suddenly you get this explosion at the end.” -Ray Kurzweil

“Nobody said that change has to be slow or even hard. To live an exponential life, you have to be willing to do things differently and be open to the possibility that everything you want is closer than you think.” -Rich Litvin

“Our chief want in life is somebody who will make us do what we can.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” -Howard Thurman

“Every act of conscious learning requires the willingness to suffer an injury to one’s self-esteem. That is why young children, before they are aware of their own self-importance, learn so easily; and why older persons, especially if vain or important, cannot learn at all.” -Dr. Thomas Szasz

“I love to think of nature as unlimited broadcasting stations, through which God speaks to us every day, every hour and every moment of our lives, if we will only tune in and remain so.” -George Washington Carver

“If you absolutely can’t tolerate critics, then don’t do anything new or interesting.” -Jeff Bezos

“You don’t get what you want in life, you get what you intend.” -Oprah Winfrey

“Success is not how good you look, it’s how good you feel.” -

“Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants.” -Epictetus

“Leadership is communicating people’s worth and potential so clearly that they come to see it in themselves.” -Stephen M.R. Covey

“Music is an essential nutrient. Without it, we are incomplete.” -John Williams

“As AI gets exponentially better at thinking, writing, deciding, and optimizing on our behalf, most people will jump at every opportunity to outsource things to it. This is natural, but it’s important to remember that what you outsource won’t remain the same. It will atrophy.” -

“Your future will be defined not by what you can get AI to do for you, but by what you refuse to let it.” -Sahil Bloom

“The people who fail are usually the ones spending money on looking successful instead of actually being successful.” -

“Thought is not reality; yet it is through thought that our realities are created.” -Sydney Banks

“The fact is always obvious much too late, but the most singular difference between happiness and joy is that happiness is a solid and joy is a liquid.” -JD Salinger

“There is no greater illusion than thinking the accomplishment of some goal will change your life.” -

“What each of us must come to realize is that our intent always comes through.” -Thurgood Marshall

“Most decisions should probably be made with somewhere around 70% of the information you wish you had. If you wait for 90%, in most cases, you’re probably being slow. Plus, either way, you need to be good at quickly recognizing and correcting bad decisions. If you’re good at course correcting, being wrong may be less costly than you think, whereas being slow is going to be expensive for sure.” -Jeff Bezos

“Birds do not sing in caves.” -Henry David Thoreau

“Novels don’t tell us ‘how to live’ but show us that ‘it’s possible to live in a different way.’” -Hwang Bo-Reum

“No matter what it is, to not turn a blind eye is the essence of humanity.” -Unknown

“To say you know when you know, and to say you do not when you do not, that is knowledge.” -Confucius

“Sometimes a single sentence is more powerful than a whole book.” -Hwang Bo-Reum

“Keep earning your title, or it expires…Holding on to an old title gives you satisfaction without action. But success comes from doing, not declaring.” -

“When we expect certain behaviors of others, we are likely to act in ways that make the expected behavior more likely to occur.” -Robert Rosenthal

Read more quotes here:

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” -Anaïs Nin

I spend hundreds of hours reading every year. Reading is important to me because it teaches me what habits and mindsets have helped others become successful. Then I work to ingrain those same philosophies into my own life.

For instance, I just stumbled across the same success philosophy in three different books:

• Tribe of Mentors by Tim Ferriss (a life advice book)

• The War of Art by Steven Pressfield (a book about creativity)

• Five Stars by Carmine Gallo (a book about communication)

All three books include stories from people who credit their success to the same thing: running toward their fears.

Tribe of Mentors contains a section about performance psychologist Jim Loehr. Loehr’s job is to develop peak performance in his clients. He’s helped hundreds of Fortune 100 executives, Olympic gold medalists, and world-class athletes overcome mental barriers to achieve success in their respective fields.

In other words, Loehr knows the traits that set the best apart from the rest.

Loehr says that one of the keys to high performance in any field is running toward things that make you scared or uncomfortable.

“Protection from stress serves only to erode my capacity [to handle it]. Stress exposure is the stimulus for all growth, and growth actually occurs during episodes of recovery. Avoiding stress, I have learned, will never provide the capacity that life demands of me…In a real sense, to grow in life, I must be a seeker of stress.” -Jim Loehr

Stress leads to discomfort, which prompts change, which spurs growth, which results in success.

“Stress exposure is the only way we can expand our capacity for life,” Loehr says elsewhere. “We get bored without a constant sense of being challenged and finding new opportunities. We were born to grow, and stress is absolutely the key ingredient that stimulates that growth.”

This rings true in my own life. One of the scariest, most stressful things I’ve ever done was interview for a Director role at my last company. Out of the ten applicants for the position, I was the person with the shortest tenure.

After the company finished the interviews, the CEO and COO called me into a room and offered me the job. Shock, excitement, and stress flooded my brain in seconds. I was awash with fear, but I told them I’d gladly accept.

The following year was definitely the most stressful year of my life. I suffered from impostor syndrome, dealt with more angry clients than I could count, and made many mistakes. But it was also the best professional year of my life. I learned more than I thought possible, traveled to new countries to meet clients, and led our team to some of the highest servicing scores in company history.

Fear and stress illuminate the path that will teach us the most.

“Are you paralyzed with fear? That’s a good sign. Fear is good,” says author Steven Pressfield. “Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. Remember our rule of thumb: The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.”

Pressfield wrote an entire book about how authors, musicians, and artists can overcome fear to create the things they were made to create. He dubbed the enemy “Resistance.”

“Resistance will unfailingly point to true North — meaning that calling or action it most wants to stop us from doing. We can use this. We can use it as a compass. We can navigate by Resistance, letting it guide us to that calling or action that we must follow before all others.” - Steven Pressfield

But what is most amazing to me is the universality of this concept. I’ve now heard this same advice from business executives, television producers, comedians, psychologists, and writers. It seems that using fear as a compass is one of the unappreciated (and uncomfortable) cheat codes to success.

For most of us, our gut reaction is to run the opposite direction from things that scare us, but incredible things can happen when we do the opposite. As motivational speaker Jack Canfield says, “Everything you want is on the other side of fear.”

What is fear telling you to avoid right now?

Have you always wanted to write a novel, but you’re scared to begin?
Have you refused to speak in public because you think you’d get stage fright?
Have you turned down a couple of promotions at work because you don’t want to step into the limelight?

Can you use that fear to guide you?

Many things in life come with instructions or operating manuals, even products that don’t seem to need them:

• Toasters (“Plug in. Insert bread. Bread becomes toast.”)

• Tamagotchi pets (“Hatch cute life form. Realize that child care is hard. Allow cute life form to die.”)

• Tanning lotion (“Apply to skin. Burn, but not too badly. Look sexy.”)

And even though many ridiculous things come with instructions, we’re not given an operating manual for the most important aspects of life — things like getting a job, finding love, saving for retirement, or becoming a decent human.

About 10 years ago, after repeating many life mistakes, I decided to begin writing down my own “rules for living” to serve as an operating manual for my life. I’ve been updating and editing these rules ever since.

My rules began as a notecard that I laminated and took with me in my pocket everywhere I went. Here’s an early version, with the rules across the top and one personal goal in each area of my life along the bottom:

Then my rules outgrew the card, so I began keeping them in my journal. And now, those rules are seeing the bright lights of cyberspace.

Avid readers of mine will notice fingerprints from these rules in many of the stories I’ve written over the past several years. These themes truly do guide my life.

And while there is zero chance that every one of these rules will apply to your life, I’ve found that reading someone else’s operating manual can sometimes offer glimpses into what rules should show up in your own manual.

For example, I’ve enjoyed reading other people’s rules for life — like Ray Dalio’s Principles and John Wooden’s A Game Plan for Life. Every biography or memoir has the potential to add chapters and verses to your own operating manual.

So without further ado, here are the operating rules that guide my life.

1.0 — Completely own who you are

“There’s no force more powerful than someone completely owning who they are.” -James Pratt

My friend and former boss texted me the above quote as I headed into a meeting. I was preparing to give some very difficult feedback to someone who held my career in their hands, and I was super nervous.

I had been trying to decide if it was worth it. Should I really speak my opinion? Why bother going out on a limb? Couldn’t I just keep my head down and shut up?

Then I received that text and realized that silence wasn’t true to who I was. I had to completely own who I was and what I believed was right. So I decided to give the feedback.

The result: I shared a difficult message that needed to be shared, and it made a profound impact on our business. As a bonus, my small act of courage greased the skids for future acts of courage and self-confidence in my life.

1.1 — Don’t hide your passions

“What makes you different or weird, that’s your strength.” -Meryl Streep

In high school, I was cut from the basketball team three years in a row.
Three years of practicing during the entire off-season.
Three years of running line drills at tryouts.
Three years of excitedly waiting for the team roster to get posted.
Three years of not finding my name on the roster.

It was painful. And the most painful part of it wasn’t the blow to my pride (although that did suck) — it was that I genuinely LOVE to play basketball. Getting cut meant I wouldn’t get to play as much of the sport I loved.

But after every year’s tryouts, after that roster got posted on the wall without the name Bobby Powers, I continued to look for any possible opportunity to play basketball. I practiced for hours by myself, coaxed friends into playing with me at lunch, and organized pick-up games.

A couple of times, classmates made fun of me for wanting to play all the time. They thought it was silly that a guy who got cut from the team was still so passionate about the sport. They seemed to believe that a person’s ability should always exceed their passion: It was cool to be a star player who didn’t care, but it was lame to be a wannabe who did care.

As I noticed my classmates’ reactions to my enthusiasm, I questioned whether to hide my passion. I realized that it would be easier to act like I didn’t care.

“We must risk delight. We must have the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless furnace of this world.” -Jack Gilbert

But I decided to “risk delight” even though others would judge me for it. And although that situation happened way back in high school, the lesson still applies today. Similar situations have arisen with other interests of mine throughout the years: bands, books, clothes, hobbies, etc.

Deciding to follow my passions rather than hiding them is a decision I must make anew every day. My goal is to continue to risk delight.

1.2— Never lose your childlike sense of wonder about life

“Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.” -Frederick Buechner

One of the biggest insults you can levy against someone is to say they’re acting like a child. Kids get a bad rap.

Screw that. I think all of us need to be more childlike.

Have you ever sat and watched the way children interact with the world around them? They’re inquisitive, excited, hopeful, and utterly full of delight. They view the world as a magical, wild, and powerful thing.

They run through sprinklers, pick up rocks to search for creepy crawlies, ask old people how trees grow, and view every snowfall as a chance to resurrect last year’s Frosty.

Damn, we need more of that. Too many of us are chained to our desks, perpetually busy and frazzled. Or our eyeballs are cemented to our phones, neglecting everything around us in the real world because we’re too busy scoring hits of dopamine or virtual entertainment.

When I read Walter Isaacson’s biography of Leonardo daVinci, the biggest thing that struck me was that Leonardo was insatiably curious about EVERYTHING. He was a little boy in a man’s body.

In his journals, he posed questions like the following:

• Which nerve causes one eye’s movement to influence the other eye to move?

• Why are fish in the water swifter than birds in the air?

• How would you describe the tongue of a woodpecker?

People like Leonardo demonstrate that we need to become more childlike — not less. We need to embrace a newfound sense of wonder about the world.

When was the last time you gawked at the brilliant colors of fall leaves?
Stopped to watch two squirrels chase each other in your backyard?
Refused to use an umbrella so you could feel water droplets on your face?
Kneeled down on the sidewalk to watch a string of marching ants?

I’ve been trying to get better about putting on little kid goggles when I walk out my front door. I often stop my wife during our walks around the neighborhood to comment about fascinating cloud formations, trees, bugs, houses, and graffiti.

My goal is to actually see and appreciate what’s in front of me.

2.0 — Always be a student

“We live on an island surrounded by a sea of ignorance. As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance​.” -John Archibald Wheeler

The Dunning-Kruger Effect is a cognitive bias that says people who don’t know much about a topic tend to overestimate their knowledge of the topic.

Confused? Let’s walk through a quick example.

Say I recently read an article about foreign trade. Now that I’ve read the article, I may think of myself as an expert on the topic. I may even be so proud of myself for reading the article that I find myself “teaching” others about foreign trade. In the 10 minutes it took me to read one post, I’ve gone from completely ignorant about the topic to completely informed. Magic!

Just like that, I’ve fallen prey to the Dunning-Kruger Effect.

From the perspective of our flawed human brains, our tiny bits of knowledge can seem really impressive. (To rip off the old motor vehicle safety warning, “Beware: Knowledge in brain is much smaller than it appears.”)

The incredible thing about knowledge is that it can sometimes have a humbling effect: the more you learn, the more you realize there is to learn.

That’s one reason why learning is so important to me: it exposes my ignorance.

2.1 — Drink deeply from good books

“What you will become in five years will be determined by what you read and who you associate with.” -Charles ‘Tremendous’ Jones

I cribbed this principle from renowned college basketball coach John Wooden, who cribbed it from his dad. (The best ideas are always stolen ones.)

The best way I’ve found to learn new things is by reading. Books have prompted me to become more curious about the world, ask deeper life questions, develop empathy for others, and make connections between diverse topics.

There are few things in life more important to me than reading, but I didn’t always feel that way. Junior high and high school bashed my love of reading out of me. I became focused on checking the box and getting the grade rather than enjoying literature and using it to inform my life.

During my teenage years, I didn’t read a single book for pleasure. Then, on a whim, I picked up Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink during my senior year of college. That book reminded me that reading could be fun as well as educational, and I haven’t stopped reading since.

I now carve out 2–3 hours every night for reading. Despite the fact that I’m not a fast reader, I’m able to enjoy over 70 books per year solely due to the amount of time I spend reading. I’ll never give up the habit.

2.2 — Exhibit confident humility

“You have to be humble, and you can’t pretend to be someone you’re not or to know something you don’t…You have to ask the questions you need to ask, admit without apology what you don’t understand, and do the work to learn what you need to learn as quickly as you can. There’s nothing less confidence-inspiring than a person faking a knowledge they don’t possess. True authority and true leadership come from knowing who you are and not pretending to be anything else.” -Bob Iger

One of the most popular pieces of advice I heard in my 20s was “Fake it ’til you make it.” Friends, authors, and business icons all shared the same advice, so I figured it must be sound.

Then I realized something. I could tell when others around me were “faking it” with their overconfident bluster in meetings, unbridled optimism about strategic plans, and questionable decisions on company projects.

I wondered, “If I can tell they’re faking it, won’t people be able to tell when I’m faking it too?” (Answer: Yes.)

I now know that the strongest leaders are those who occasionally admit uncertainty — not those who blindly choose a path with bravado and chutzpah. Great leaders avoid the extremes of arrogance (unbridled confidence) and passivity (unbridled humility).

In short, the best leaders exhibit confident humility.

Confident humility is having the modesty to understand whether you’re the best person to make a decision. It means learning from others when they’re the expert and acting with boldness when you’re the expert.

Now, when I accept a new role or tackle a new project that’s a stretch for my skillset, I try to approach it from a perspective of confident humility.

2.3 — Assess yourself with 3rd-party objectivity

“If anyone can prove and show to me that I think and act in error, I will gladly change it — for I seek the truth, by which no one has ever been harmed. The one who is harmed is the one who abides in deceit and ignorance.” -Marcus Aurelius

Receiving feedback is tough, and cognitive dissonance is real.

Each of us is the hero of our own story, and when we hear something that goes against our inflated opinion of ourselves, it’s tough to know what to believe. We subconsciously choose to either stick with our warped perspective of ourselves or we completely lose our self-confidence.

Here’s what that looks like:

• Belief: I’m a good employee.

• But Then: My boss tells me I did a poor job on ABC project.

• Cognitive Dissonance: I’m pretty sure that I’m an awesome employee, so that person must be wrong. Or perhaps I’m actually a bad employee.

• Reality: I’m a hard-working person who makes mistakes.

• Belief: I’m a loving husband.

• But then: My wife is frustrated because I haven’t been listening to her.

• Cognitive Dissonance: Gosh, I must be a horrible husband. Or maybe she’s wrong and she’s just taking out her tough day on me.

• Reality: I love my wife, and I sometimes struggle to be a good listener.

When we hear disconfirming feedback, instead of opting for the (probably accurate) gray area, we choose either A or B: We’re either awesome or horrible.

A truly grounded person would be able to view the situation from the perspective of a disengaged third party. So that’s become my goal. I want to essentially be able to watch myself from the sidelines: sitting in the bleachers, not wearing the jersey of either team.

I want to become a neutral third party with a bird’s-eye view of what happened, then act with self-reflection and humility to correct my own mistakes.

3.0 — Choose to never have a bad day

“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” -Abraham Lincoln

When I was 17, I had the opportunity to join a citywide leadership course that included 15–20 community leaders. The course offered a peek behind the curtain of how a city is run: state government, municipal departments, the police and fire departments, local banking institutions, etc.

I learned a lot of interesting things during the course, but the biggest lesson came during an unlikely section: an icebreaker activity.

During the icebreaker, I met two community leaders: “Greg” and “Nancy.” Greg was a community banker who complained about all of the detailed paperwork he had to complete in his job. Within my first minute of meeting Greg, I learned about five aspects of community banking that he disliked. I left the interaction thinking, “Wow, banking must suck. I will never go into a profession like that.”

But then I met “Nancy.” Nancy raved about her job. She got to help little kids open their first savings accounts, 20-somethings buy their first homes, and middle-agers save for their retirement. Her profession? The same job as Greg. They even had the exact same job title.

My 17-year-old brain was horribly confused. Didn’t these two people have the same job? How could Greg’s experience be so different than Nancy’s?

Then I realized my mistake. They had the same job, but they brought vastly different perspectives to their jobs.

Nancy was building the community. Greg was pushing papers.
Nancy’s work brought her meaning. Greg’s brought him melancholy.
Nancy had a purpose. Greg had a paycheck.

Much later, I learned the famous Quarry Worker’s Creed: “We who cut mere stones must always be envisioning cathedrals.” I have no doubt that as Nancy filed the same boring ‘ol paperwork that Greg filed every day, she was envisioning someone crossing the threshold of their first house.

My experience meeting Greg and Nancy taught me a valuable lesson: each day, I get to choose whether I want to have a good day or a bad one.

Sure, on any given day, really shitty things may happen to me. I may break my finger, lose my job, grieve a lost family member, or deal with a difficult co-worker (all of which have happened to me in the past year).

But at the end of the day, I get the choice of how I want to view that day.

As one of my life rules, I’ve chosen to never have a bad day. I’ve decided to seek out the light amidst the darkness and the tenderness amidst the torment.

Now, I acknowledge that the world isn’t as simple as I’ve made it sound. Mental health issues like depression and anxiety are painfully real. There are chemical and biological factors that can bully their way into our lives and eliminate our ability to choose optimism or pessimism.

But I also know that there are a lot of Gregs in the world, and whenever I do get the choice, I’ll pick Nancy’s perspective every day of the week.

3.1 — Love all seven days

“You’re living for the weekend. I’m living for the week.” -Unknown

“Thank God it’s Friday.” Thousands of people across the country utter that phrase every week. And while I totally understand the sentiment (I love weekends too), that phrase says a lot about our society’s perspective on work.

The societal assumption is that we have to pay the piper five days (at least) in order to earn two days of freedom (at most). But I prefer to not view my weeks like that. I want to love all seven days.

That mindset means that I prioritize two things.

First, I try to redeem every day with something that gives me pleasure. That means that even if I’m traveling for work and I finish my client meetings and business dinners at 11 pm, I stay up to do something for myself. I’ll watch a short TV show, read a book, or go on a late-night walk—something to prove to myself that at least one aspect of that day was mine and didn’t belong to anyone else. For you, redeeming the day could mean getting a few minutes of playtime with your kids, going on an early morning run, or meditating for 10 minutes before bed. Whatever you need to do to label part of that day your own.

And second, I place a heavy emphasis on finding work that I enjoy. How big of an emphasis? Well, in the past decade, I’ve left two jobs without having another job lined up. Both times, it was scary to leave. I didn’t know what I would do next, and it’s difficult to deal with the uncertainty of not knowing where the next paycheck will come from. But those companies no longer felt like the right place for me to be — either due to the work culture or the type of work I was doing.

Although I don’t subscribe to the “passion mindset” that says every person needs to find work they’re passionate about, I believe it’s important to enjoy aspects of your work, to feel like you’re learning and growing, and to feel like your values align with the senior leaders of the company.

3.2 — Be hyper-present

“Don’t rush through the experiences and circumstances that have the most capacity to transform you.” -Rob Bell

On a recent neighborhood walk, I strolled past a Japanese restaurant. I love people-watching, so naturally, I looked through the window as I walked past.

Two girls were seated at a table across from each other. Both were on their phones, making zero eye contact.

At another table sat a young man and woman in their twenties. The man was on his phone — completely disengaged. As he scrolled away on his device, the woman looked expectantly at him, hoping he’d find her interesting enough to engage in conversation.

Two tables, one shared story: disengagement.

I wondered what was going on at each table. What was the story for each of these couples?

Friends swapping stories over a nice meal?
Siblings grabbing a bite to eat to catch up on life?
Lovers on their first date? 100th date?

In which of those situations would this level of disengagement be acceptable?

Is it ever okay?

I noticed the same behavior when my wife and I vacationed in Hawaii. There we were, in the most picturesque setting in the world, and half of the people around the pool were on their phones (pictured below). I couldn’t believe it.

Unfortunately, we live in a world of hyperactivity. We’ve lost the ability to slow down and forgotten how to be present. We’ve decided it’s a good bargain to trade real-world connection for dopamine-laden likes and retweets.

I refuse to make that trade. Even though it’s difficult, I want to be 100 percent present in every interaction.

4.0 — Control what you can control

“It is not what happens to you, but how you react that matters.” -Epictetus

The past few years, I’ve read a lot of Stoic philosophy. The biggest thing I’ve taken away from reading the Stoics is the importance of focusing on what you can control and forgetting about what you can’t control.

For example, as a writer, I control my influences, my work ethic, the time I’m willing to invest in a story, and the intensity of my editing process.

But once I’ve published a story, I have ZERO control over what happens. That is simultaneously refreshing and horrifying.

Here’s a list of a few things I can’t control with my writing: how many people read what I’ve written, what they think about what I wrote, whether and how they comment on my stories, how many times they re-share my post, whether my piece gets syndicated by a large publication, how much money I make from the story, whether an agent stumbles upon that story, etc. etc. etc.

There is a litany of things I cannot control. Once I hit “publish,” my work becomes the property of each reader. They choose what happens to it. And that’s okay.

As I’ve become more comfortable with this reality, I’ve enjoyed writing more. My goal is to trust the process and pay attention to my work — not its reception.

This goal carries over to many other aspects of my life as well. It used to devastate me when a boss or colleague didn’t like something I produced, but this “control what you can control” principle refocuses me on what is most important: Did I try my best? Did I act with integrity? Am I proud of my input, regardless of the subjectivity of the output?

4.1 — Look at the safe water while paddling

“He who indulges empty fears earns himself real fears.” -Seneca

I once read that if you’re trying to avoid dangerous rapids while paddling a kayak, you’re less likely to capsize if you focus on the calm water you’re trying to reach than if you focus on the rough waves. Looking at the rapids will make you more likely to wipe out. I have no idea if that advice is true, but I love the analogy, and I try to remember it anytime I’m feeling anxious.

For example, recently I was preparing for a client meeting. I began thinking about all of the things that could go wrong in the meeting: I could forget a key point I needed to share, I could botch the demo, etc. After a few minutes of anxious thoughts, I reminded myself that I was thinking about the rough water — and the very act of thinking about the rapids would make me more likely to hit them.

So I instead began picturing the smooth water: how much I had prepared for this moment, what I would feel like after I nailed the demo, how I would rise to the occasion and remember all of my key points. I was ready for this.

Our focus pre-determines our results. By focusing on the positive outcome, we make it more likely to come to fruition.

4.2 — No bad beats. Focus on the process.

“All events are neutral, and I can choose how to react to them. I can choose to be a victim to my circumstances, or I can choose to stand responsible for how I handle my circumstances.” -Daniel Negreanu

I’ve never been an amazing poker player, but the game fascinates me and offers many great analogies for life. Hang around a poker table long enough and you’ll hear someone complaining about a “bad beat” — slang for when a player loses a hand that they statistically thought they would win.

I used to get frustrated in those situations too. Whether you’re playing for big bucks at a casino or a few dollars with friends, it’s annoying to watch a good hand vaporize as the cards turn against you. But that’s just how it goes.

Games like poker expose a universal truth about life: sometimes, you can do everything possible in your power to win, but things still don’t go your way.

In fact, it’s a mathematical certainty. If you’re holding cards that will win 95 percent of the time and you play that same hand 20 times, you’re bound to lose one of those hands.

This logic carries over to other aspects of life. Poker reminds me that sometimes I’ll do everything the best way I know how, and I’ll still lose. And that’s okay. The key is to focus on the process: Did I make the best decision I could with the information I had at the time? Did I adequately prepare?

If the answer to those questions is yes, I try to reconcile myself to the outcome, regardless of what happened. No bad beats.

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5.0 — Use fear as a compass

“The bigger your comfort zone, the smaller your life.” -Jamie Jackson

One of my favorite books is Tribe of Mentors by Tim Ferriss. The book contains insights from over 100 successful people in fields as diverse as music, athletics, business, and film.

When I read that book, I learned that one of the biggest things that separates top performers from others is the way they view stress and fear. For example, here’s what performance psychologist Jim Loehr had to say:

“Protection from stress serves only to erode my capacity [to handle it]. Stress exposure is the stimulus for all growth, and growth actually occurs during episodes of recovery. Avoiding stress, I have learned, will never provide the capacity that life demands of me…In a real sense, to grow in life, I must be a seeker of stress.”

This reframing is a game-changer. It flips the script of the normal stress response (i.e., see something that scares you, turn the other way, avoid the fear).

Instead, the process becomes: see something that scares you, turn toward it, grow and learn. Stress leads to discomfort, which prompts change, which spurs growth, which results in success.

The things that most scare us are often the things we most need to pursue. Applying for a nerve-wracking promotion. Breaking up with a partner who has been psychologically (or physically) abusive. Coming out to friends and family. Volunteering to give a presentation in front of 200 people.

These things are scary as fuck. But in each situation, fear points the path to growth, success, and fulfillment.

5.1 — Run toward the fire

“You get paid in direct proportion to the difficulty of the problems you solve.” -Elon Musk

Years ago, my boss Scott told me something I’ll never forget.

He said the best way to succeed in any job is to solve the gnarliest problems: “If you solve tough problems, you’ll inevitably be given more responsibility and move into a higher position. And you know what you’ll be rewarded with in that next position? Even tougher problems to solve.”

His advice was to “run toward the fire.” Look for the types of projects that other people say are too hard or too scary, then volunteer for those projects. Become known as the type of person who can solve the most difficult problems and you’ll never find yourself without a job.

Scott’s advice shifted my perspective. Rather than volunteering for tasks that were in my strike zone, I began taking on projects that were a true test of my abilities: the types of projects that I truly didn’t know if I could accomplish.

My willingness to raise my hand for those projects led to a greater number of mistakes but also a greater ability to learn new things.

5.2 — Choose dreams that scare you

“The size of your dreams must always exceed your current capacity to achieve them. If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough.” -Ellen Johnson Sirleaf

Ten years ago, if you asked me what I wanted to do in my career, you would have gotten a very different answer than the one I give today.

For a long time, the answer inside my heart has been “I want to be a leadership author and speaker.” But that answer seemed too unrealistic…too BIG. I had barely admitted that dream to myself, yet alone to others.

So I settled for smaller, socially palatable answers like “I’m not sure. I just want to keep working my way up the corporate ladder” or — if I was feeling bold — “I want to become an executive of a Fortune 500 company.”

Those dreams are fine, but they weren’t my dream. My real dream scared me, and I thought it might scare others too. They might view it as arrogant, overly optimistic, or attention-seeking.

Then I stumbled across quotes like the one from Ellen Johnson Sirleaf (above) and this one from Benjamin Hardy: “If what you’re pursuing right now isn’t so big that you’d be embarrassed to share it with most of the people in your life, I challenge you to take a step back and really think about it.”

The only people who achieve stratospheric goals are those who have stratospheric dreams. The challenge is that we must simultaneously live in the stratosphere (dreaming of what is possible) while also keeping our feet planted on the ground (executing the daily work).

6.0 — Be both candid and kind

“One of the most important insights anyone in business can have is that it’s not cruel to tell people the truth respectfully and honestly.” -Patty McCord

A few weeks after starting my first job out of grad school, my district manager told me I’d probably need to fire one of my team leads (“Jerry”) who reported to me. I asked why Jerry needed to be fired and why no one had done it yet.

“All of Jerry’s past managers have been scared of him,” the district manager said. “He’s a burly football player and he doesn’t take feedback well. But he’s been causing a lot of problems and he’ll need to go if he doesn’t shape up.”

Wowza. Talk about getting a pile of shit dropped in your lap.

I spent the next couple of months trying to work with Jerry and give him loads of feedback. But unfortunately, it was too little, too late. After five years of working at the company and receiving limited feedback, Jerry had convinced himself that he was the bee’s knees and had no issues to fix. He thought I was the problem — not him.

So the day came that I had to fire Jerry, and our security guard had to practically drag Jerry out of the building as he yelled obscenities at his (now former) co-workers.

The experience was rough on Jerry and also on me. But it taught me a very important lesson: it’s more kind to share feedback than to withhold it.

Other managers had “protected” Jerry (and themselves) by refusing to share feedback. And their lack of courage ultimately cost Jerry his job. He wasn’t a bad guy. Just like anyone else, he took pride in his work and wanted to do good work, but he wasn’t given the chance to encounter his issues head-on until it was too late.

Many people mistakenly think you must choose to be either candid or kind. They think you can either: (A) share a tough message and lose the relationship or (B) stay silent and maintain the relationship.

The authors of Crucial Conversations call this false dichotomy a “sucker’s choice.” The truth is that we don’t have to choose. It’s possible to share candid feedback in a kind, caring way.

6.1 — Seek common ground

“Don’t worry about accepting or rejecting the other person’s story. First work to understand it. The mere act of understanding someone else’s story doesn’t require you to give up your own.” -Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen

In tough conversations, it’s important to lead with facts and mutual agreement rather than arguments for your side. This is true whether you’re sharing feedback, debating politics, or arguing with a family member.

I’ve learned to open the conversation with what both parties know to be true. Establish common ground.

If you’re debating abortion, the common ground might be that you both value human life (one of you is focused on the child, while the other is focused on the mother). If you’re arguing about unemployment benefits, you likely both agree that you don’t want to incentivize people not to work. In every conversation, there is common ground. We just need to find it.

Beginning with mutual agreement sets a positive tone for the rest of the conversation. If I’m looking for places where we agree, then chances are good that you’ll begin to do the same. Common ground is the cornerstone of productive disagreement.

6.2 — Be efficient with processes and effective with people

“Efficiency is doing things right; effectiveness is doing the right things.” -Peter Drucker

I am a maniac for efficiency. I sometimes even lay in bed thinking about the fastest route I can take to get from point A to B to C while I’m running errands. It’s weird, but it all comes back to my desire to not waste a single moment of time. Time is precious, and I want to spend mine wisely.

But being hard-wired for efficiency can have its drawbacks. Several years ago, I realized that I was treating my interactions with coworkers as little more than business transactions. I had been jumping from one conversation to another as fast as possible, donning my corporate crusader cape to solve as many business problems as possible. Along the way, I commoditized my relationships with my colleagues. They didn’t feel valued or heard.

Thankfully, I stumbled on Peter Drucker’s book The Effective Executive. While reading Drucker’s insights about the difference between efficiency and effectiveness, I realized that I had let efficiency dominate my life.

What I needed to do was separate the way I thought about processes and the way I thought about people. Processes can (and should) be streamlined for efficiency. People shouldn’t.

Efficiency is the absolute WRONG way to think about interactions with other humans. People need to be cared for, loved, appreciated, and respected — all of which take time.

My new goal is to be efficient with processes and effective with people.

7.0 — Simplify

“If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough.” -Einstein

I used to work for an investment accounting company. As an MBA grad, I already knew the basics of stocks and bonds, but there was still a TON I needed to learn about the world of investment accounting.

My first week on the job was packed with training sessions, and one of the main concepts I was supposed to learn that week was an esoteric but important concept called bond amortization.

I spent a full hour locked in a room with the firm’s lead accountant as he white-boarded formulas and explained the nitty-gritty details of amortization. At the end of the session, I still had no fucking clue what amortization was. I felt like a complete idiot and questioned whether I’d succeed at the company.

Thankfully, I was able to snag a few minutes with another accountant later that week. In ten minutes, she taught me everything I needed to know about amortization. As relief swept over me, I realized that I wasn’t the problem. The teaching style had been the problem.

The first trainer rushed me over to the deep end of the pool and made me jump off the high dive before I even knew how to swim.

The second trainer held my hand in the shallow end of the pool where I could take a few baby steps and get my feet wet. Rather than immediately diving into granular details, she began with the basics and inched me toward understanding. She chunked the information into manageable concepts, used simple terminology, and drew upon my existing knowledge to build connections to the new topics I had to learn.

That experience influenced the way I think about many things in life, including public speaking, tackling complex projects, and teaching others.

I’ve learned that true expertise isn’t spouting off long words and complex jargon; it’s using simple words to convey powerful ideas.

7.1 — Relentlessly single-task

“If you try and chase two rabbits, you will not catch either one.” -Russian proverb

Have you ever walked over to a colleague’s desk (or virtual Zoom screen) to review something, and they had to weed through 100 browser tabs to find the one that contained the spreadsheet or email they wanted to show you?

Situations like that drive me nuts because they’re living proof of the multi-tasking myth. Each of us wants to believe that we can do 100 things at once, but we can’t. The more tasks we try to tackle simultaneously, the worse we perform on each one.

The human brain has a limited amount of bandwidth, and how we spend that bandwidth matters.

The best way to maximize productivity and focus is to eliminate the endless clutter that stands between us and our most important tasks. That means fewer browser tabs, less multi-tasking, and no (or limited) slack messaging during meetings and Zoom calls.

Ever since reading Cal Newport’s productivity treatise Deep Work, I’ve become a relentless single-tasker. I even took that mindset to an extreme during COVID by refusing to bring computer monitors home with me. After years of working from at least two screens, I’m now working off one small laptop screen. And I love it. Whatever is on my ONE screen receives my entire focus.

7.2 — Identify the first step

“Far too often, we don’t start because we can’t get our minds around the entire thing. We don’t take the first step because we can’t figure out the seventeenth step. But you don’t have to know the seventeenth step. You only have to know the first step. Because the first step is always 1. Start with 1.” -Rob Bell

Twelve years ago, I received one of the best compliments of my career. I was working as a Product Owner of a software company, and the director of our department told me, “You do a great job of subdividing big projects into manageable chunks. That will serve you well in your career.”

Before he said that, I hadn’t realized the importance of that skill.

His comment prompted me to self-reflect. Sure enough, as I thought back to the beginning of each big project our team had tackled, I remembered my colleagues (and me too!) sometimes feeling overwhelmed as we scoped future projects. That year, we had rewritten two core aspects of our software platform — projects that lasted for months.

Any project of that scope is daunting, so I had always focused the team on the first step: What do we do TODAY? What do we prioritize THIS WEEK?

I try to apply that same mentality to daunting projects today, like when I began writing my first book and when I implemented new software systems for my company.

The key is to identify the first step. Then begin walking in that direction.

What is YOUR operating manual for life?

I will continue refining these rules for the rest of my life. In a world of a million distractions, these rules remind me what’s most important.

I absolutely don’t live out these principles perfectly (or even adequately) all of the time. Some of the rules are on this list because I struggle with them. I need to be reminded, so I write these rules inside every one of my journals.

The two rules I struggle with the most are “Control what you can control” and “Use fear as a compass.” I often get anxious about factors outside my control, which is why I read so many Stoic philosophy texts and self-help books. And yes, I still struggle to run toward fear. I’ve been trying to improve in that area by raising my hand for difficult projects, but it’s a daily battle.

But as I mentioned at the start of this post, every person must create their own operating manual for life. I hope that a few of my principles will resonate with you, but your principles should look very different than mine.

If you want to begin crystallizing your own rules for living, I encourage you to start the same way I did:

• Read biographies and memoirs about people you admire. Pay attention to what traits made them successful and what traits you want to emulate.

• Begin journaling. Jot down phrases, quotes, and ideas that jump out to you.

• Think about the 5–10 biggest life events that shaped who you are as a person. What made those events so important? What did they teach you? What values or principles carried you through your toughest times?

• Gradually, begin writing your own list of personal rules to guide your actions. Refine the list over time.

• Brainstorm ways to remind yourself of your rules. Write them on sticky notes on your desk or bathroom mirror, print and laminate a small card that you can carry with you, or write them in the front of your journal.

Humans don’t come with an operating manual. You have to create your own. I hope you’ll invest enough time in yourself to create one.

I’ve been on both sides of the performance management process.

Years ago, I had a boss who was marching me through the steps toward termination. It was a painful process, but I learned a lot from it.

Later, after I became an HR Manager and someone who has led teams ranging in size from 4 people up to 160 people, I’ve seen performance management from the other side of the table.

If you’ve never been a manager before, you’ve never seen that side of the process, and you may not know the telltale signs of when you’re about to be fired.

If your manager is sending these five warning signs, you can hopefully use the tips at the end of this story to turn the ship around before it’s too late. I share these warning signals with you not to scare you, but to make you aware.

1. Your manager has begun to CC themself on emails they send you.

Most companies require managers to draft robust documentation before terminating any employee.

For this documentation, managers often jot down notes about tasks you haven’t completed, pull stats about your work (customer service scores, number of cases you’ve closed, etc.), and retain emails that show what warnings they’ve given you.

Savvy managers will blind carbon copy (Bcc) themselves on those emails so the employee is unaware that the manager wants a copy of that email. But some managers use the carbon copy (Cc) feature instead, which means that you’ll be able to see that they copied themselves on the correspondence.

If you see that happen, it could mean nothing or it could mean that they want to have documentation of that conversation.

2. Your manager puts you on a “performance improvement plan.”

The phrase “performance improvement plan” (PIP) sounds innocent, but depending upon the company, it can be quite serious.

A PIP is an agreed-upon plan between the manager and the employee for how the employee needs to improve. It’s distinguished from a standard performance conversation in four ways:

• It is a formal document that the manager works on with the employee.

• It explicitly conveys the seriousness of any performance issues.

• It contains defined steps for improvement in written format.

• It goes into your employee file (whether they tell you it will or not).

Some companies use PIPs frequently. In those companies, it’s common for employees to “get put on a PIP,” then come off the PIP and go back to the status quo.

In other companies, receiving a PIP is one bunny-hop away from termination. For example, one of my old employers used to assume that anyone on a PIP would be terminated.

The seriousness of a PIP depends upon the company. Regardless, a PIP is a warning sign that you need to improve in order to keep your job with the firm.

3. Your boss has begun to point out the tiny details you’ve missed.

If a manager is gathering documentation about why you’re not the right fit for the company, they’re going to begin noticing smaller details about your performance.

They’ll likely begin to mention little things you’ve missed — tasks they’ve never cared about before. They may also be noting those things in their documentation to show that you’re not detail-oriented or that you’re having trouble keeping up with small aspects of your job.

Remember that — just like with the other items on this list — there are multiple non-scary reasons why a manager could be pointing out these small things. Some managers are inherently detail-oriented. They obsess over microscopic aspects of the business for a few weeks (inventory counts, speed of closing cases, etc.), then move on to their next obsession (quality of work, customer experience scores, etc.).

But if your manager never used to care about the details and now they do, or if they don’t care about the details for anyone except you, it could be a sign that your job is in jeopardy.

4. You’ve noticed that your boss’s boss doesn’t like you.

Most people don’t realize the amount of power that their boss’s boss has over their employment. I’ve seen numerous situations where a senior manager applied pressure on a mid-level manager to fire a front-line employee.

The tough part is that if the senior manager “sees something” about the employee that the mid-level manager doesn’t see, then the senior manager may begin to question the mid-level manager’s ability to do their job. In other words, if the mid-level manager doesn’t take action with the employee in question, the manager’s own job could be on the line.

What that means is that even if your boss likes you, they may need to decide between protecting you and protecting themselves. That’s an uncomfortable position, and it may prompt your manager to act more forcefully than they would otherwise.

5. Your boss has begun to ramp up their warnings.

Most people suck at giving feedback. It takes courage to tell an employee that if they don’t improve, they’re going to lose their job. Because it takes courage, many managers don’t give that type of message until it’s too late.

If your manager has been gradually sharing harsher messages with you and you get the sense that they have even more they’d like to say, it’s possible that they’re moving toward termination but don’t have the guts to tell you yet.

In an ideal world, every person would know exactly where they stand at all times, but unfortunately, the world doesn’t work like that.

If you’ve noticed these signals, what can you do?

Thankfully, even if you’ve noticed a few of the warning signs above, it may not be too late. There are many things you can do to improve your performance and give yourself a chance to keep your job:

• Follow through and follow up. Of course, you should always do this, but if you’re being performance managed, follow-through becomes even more critical. If your boss (or anyone else) asks you to do something, complete it as fast as you can AND circle back with them afterward to let them know you completed the task.

• Pay attention to the details. The little things matter, now more than ever.

• Find ways to communicate with your boss proactively. Take the initiative to give them updates even before they’ve asked for an update.

• Ask your manager to be honest with you about your performance. Tell them that you sincerely want to improve and that you want to learn from them how to become a strong performer. (Stroking their ego doesn’t hurt.)

• Consider casually looking for other jobs. Tune up your resume and your LinkedIn profile. One reason this is important is that it helps you prove to yourself that there are a million other opportunities available. That knowledge can give you confidence in your future and your abilities during this time that you need it most.

• Don’t lose hope. Don’t resign yourself to the idea that you’re going to lose your job. Now is your chance to prove how scrappy and resilient you are.

Many business articles conclude with a quote from a business visionary like Warren Buffett, Sheryl Sandberg, or Steve Jobs. Instead, I leave you with these lyrics from Destiny’s Child:

I’m a survivor, I’m not gon’ give up
I’m not gon’ stop, I’m gon’ work harder
I’m a survivor, I’m gonna make it
I will survive, keep on survivin’

You’re a survivor. Now go out and prove it.

Have you ever seen social media posts like the ones below?

• “Today I embark on the quest of writing my first novel.”

• “I started training for my marathon! Only ten months to go!”

• “Just penned a few lyrics for my debut album. Excited to share my record with all of you when it’s done.”

There’s a popular mentality that if you publicly proclaim you’re going to do something, you will inevitably follow through because you’ve already committed to it.

I think that mentality is bogus for two reasons:

1. The virtual universe (Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc.) is primed to reward talk, not actions.

2. Social media has a short-term memory. Your flesh-and-blood friends may hold you accountable to your personal goals, but the social media world will not.

You may get 100 likes on your Facebook post about starting your novel. (Yay!) But you’ve also prematurely blown your wad without doing any real work. You’ve received social validation without doing anything worth validating. You’ve scored an undeserved dopamine hit.

A year from now, your Instagram followers won’t remember that you owe them a novel, a marathon, or an album.

The masses are fickle. They’ll be paying attention to the next person who promises them something.

Posting about your new project may feel good in the moment, but it’s ultimately an act of self-delusion and procrastination. It’s a way for you to avoid the real, difficult, un-sexy task of actually doing the work.

Author Ryan Holiday offers this cautionary advice: “Talk depletes us. Talking and doing fight for the same resources.”

There’s a big difference between workshopping an idea with other creative minds and looking for social approval from the masses. The former is part of the creative process. The latter will suck up valuable time and energy that could be spent creating a better product.

I’m not saying that people who throw down an early gauntlet never go on to finish their project. Some people undoubtedly follow through, but not because their social mob is behind them.

It’s because the people who follow through are the ones who had grit all along. They would have finished their project regardless of whether or not they posted about it.

Hibernation or Showmanship?

Today, you must ask yourself: Do you want to become known as the person who said they were going to do something or as the person who actually went out and did it?

In other words, do you want to be a showman or a hibernator?

The showman seeks credit for uncompleted work. Their priority is social validation and all of its trappings: status, money, power, etc. They revel in announcing future projects because it’s the best way of gaining status with low effort.

The hibernator works in humble, quiet isolation, then emerges from hibernation having completed something of substance. Nothing will get in the way of them completing their work. Sometimes they even “fall off the map” on social media because they’re more focused on doing the work than taking credit for it. They still enjoy social validation but are driven by intrinsic motivators — not extrinsic ones.

The path of the hibernator is not an easy one. Full transparency: I’ve fallen prey to showmanship numerous times. I even went around for years telling people that I was going to be a writer someday. All talk, no action.

I was acting the part rather than doing the work. The title of “writer” felt better than the actual work of writing. So I put on the title even though it didn’t fit yet. I stole something that wasn’t mine to take.

After a friend finally knocked some sense into me, I began writing.

A year later, I wrote a post reflecting upon what I had learned in my first year of writing. The number one lesson? Writers write. They use their pen — not their mouth.

Have you been writing with your mouth instead of your pen?
Have you gotten the dopamine hit without doing the work?
Have you been seeking credit for your work once you finish the first page instead of once you finish the last one?

If you have, you’re not alone. I’ve been there. But every day presents a new choice.

Which option do you choose today — showmanship or hibernation?

2025 Stats

• # of Books Read: 70 (See full book list here)

• # of Pages Read: 20,922

• # of Re-Reads: 1

• # Read from the “Top 200 List“: 5

You can also reference my previous Year in Review posts here:
2014 | 2015 | 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022 | 2023 | 2024

Note: My answers pertain to books I read this year, no matter when they were published.

1. Best Book You Read in 2025?

Nonfiction: Die With Zero by Bill Perkins

Die With Zero is one of the most practical yet countercultural books I’ve ever read. It’s the personal finance book I didn’t realize I needed. I highly recommend this book for anyone who’s already saved a lot toward their retirement and their future.

Perkins tells emotional stories, brings relevant data, and logically explains each point. By the end of the book, I was so convinced by his arguments that I immediately made a couple of big financial changes in my life.

Fiction: Dungeon Crawler Carl by Matt Dinniman

I don’t read much fantasy, but this one blew me away. It’s a fun, rollicking ride through a dystopian Earth that’s been conquered by aliens. Carl and his ex-girlfriend’s cat Princess Donut struggle to survive while the universe watches on intergalactic TV.

If you check out this book, I highly recommend the audiobook. Jeff Hays is the best fiction narrator I’ve ever heard.

2. Book You Were Excited About & Thought You Were Going to Love But Didn’t?

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy by John Le Carre
I enjoy spy novels, and this one is on the Top 200 Books of All Time list, so I was looking forward to reading it. Unfortunately, I hated it. It’s confusing, poorly written, and slow-paced. But so many people love this book that I’m wondering if I’m the problem.

3. Most Surprising Book You Read (in a Good Way or Bad Way)?

The Art Thief by Michael Finkel
What a wild true story! Stéphane Bréitwieser pulled off 200+ art heists, amassing a collection of roughly $2 billion of art. One of the reasons he got away with it for so long is because he didn’t sell the art (most thieves get caught in the sale process). Instead, Bréitwieser stored all of the art in his room: the attic where he lived in his mom’s house.

4. Book You Pushed the Most People to Read?

Building a Story Brand by Donald Miller
Miller shows that the story structure behind blockbuster movies and award-winning TV series can also be harnessed by anyone trying to sell a product or service. This book helped me revamp my website, change how I’m pitching my public speaking services, and rethink how I position myself on social media. I recommended it to several other creators and business owners.

5. Best Series You Started This Year?

Dungeon Crawler Carl by Matt Dinniman
Even if you just read the first book, it’s well worth the time. Dinniman’s sense of humor is on point.

6. Best Book from a Genre Outside Your Comfort Zone?

A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
I haven’t enjoyed most of the satirical novels I’ve read, so I don’t read them often. I gave this one a shot because it’s on the Top 200 List I’m working through, and I enjoyed it. The story is ridiculously over-the-top but well-told.

7. Most Action-Packed/Unputdownable Book of the Year?

The Shards by Bret Easton Ellis
Ellis brilliantly weaves elements from his own life (he’s the protagonist) into a fictionalized story about a serial killer terrorizing Los Angeles. He kept me guessing throughout in this fast-paced novel. (Note: This book contains quite a bit of explicit content. After all, it’s written by the same author who penned American Psycho.)

8. Book You Read This Year That You Are Most Likely to Re-Read Next Year?

Building a Story Brand by Donald Miller
I’ve already begun using several ideas from this book, but I know I’ll want to re-read it soon because it’s packed with actionable marketing advice.

9. Favorite Cover of a Book You Read This Year?

Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton
I recently discovered the Folio Society, which is a dangerous website for a book lover. If you’re unfamiliar, they create custom cover art and internal book designs. The books cost a pretty penny, so I’ve only purchased one of them so far (Jurassic Park), but I plan to add new items to my Folio Society collection occasionally.

10. Most Memorable Character?

Princess Donut from the Dungeon Crawler Carl series by Matt Dinniman
The protagonist Carl provides a ton of laughs on his own, but the most memorable character of Dinniman’s series is a cat named Princess Donut. Donut is Carl’s ex-girlfriend’s prize show cat, and he feels responsible for caring for her when the world goes to shit.

11. Most Beautifully Written Book?

Finding Me by Viola Davis
Davis’s memoir is a beautiful, heartwrenching look into her life and how she overcame many challenges to become a powerful actress and producer. My wife and I listened to the audiobook, which I recommend. Davis reads it herself.

12. Most Thought-Provoking/Life-Changing Book?

The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
I loved this book from Mel Robbins. It’s basically a gateway book to Stoic philosophy: a great primer for anyone who finds themself caring too much about what other people think. This book definitely has life-changing potential for anyone who’s been trying too hard to please others.

13. Most Unique Book?

As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
The experimental structure of this book makes it an interesting read. It’s narrated by 15 different characters over 59 short chapters, including the perspective of a dead character. Faulkner also uses other devices like Southern diction, inner monologues, and stream-of-consciousness writing that make the novel confusing at times but also unique.

14. Book You Can’t Believe You Waited Until This Year to Read?

A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
Dickens’s story is a quick read (~100 pages), well worth an hour or two of your time. His visceral storytelling will induce you to hate Scrooge before his conversion and make you want to hug him afterward.

15. Favorite Passage/Quote From a Book You Read This Year?

From The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins

“If you’re struggling to change your life, achieve your goals, or feel happier, I want you to hear this: The problem isn’t you. The problem is the power you unknowingly give to other people...We all do it, often without realizing it. You make the mistake of thinking that if you say the right thing, everyone will be satisfied.”

From Wisdom Takes Work by Ryan Holiday

“It’s the irony of wisdom that the smarter you get, the less you need to feel like a smart person. The less you need to be right. The more comfortable you are with uncertainty and ambiguity and, of course, humility. Experience should reduce ego, not enlarge it. Study should make us less certain, not more so.”

From The Art of Spending Money by Morgan Housel

“There are two ways to use money. One is as a tool to live a better life. The other is as a yardstick of status to measure yourself against others. Many people aspire for the former but spend their life chasing the latter.”

16. Shortest & Longest Book You Read This Year?

Shortest: The Dip by Seth Godin (80 pages)
Longest: 11/22/63 by Stephen King (849 pages)

17. Favorite Book from an Author You’ve Read Previously?

11/22/63 by Stephen King
I’ve now read 30 books by King. It took me a while to get around to reading this one—partly because I was daunted by how long it is—but I’m glad I finally did! The story revolves around protagonist Jake Epping trying to go back in time to prevent JFK’s assassination. But what made me love this book is that it’s so much more than a “go back in time to prevent a bad thing” story. It’s a story about love, loss, sacrifice, and more.

18. Best Book You Read This Year Based SOLELY on a Recommendation from Someone?

Dungeon Crawler Carl by Matt Dinniman
If not for my friends Ashlie and Rob raving about this book, I never would have picked it up.

19. Best Debut Book You Read This Year?

A Marriage at Sea by Sophie Elmhirst
In 1972, Maralyn and Maurice Bailey set sail in a boat they purchased with money from selling their home. They hoped to live on the ocean, but a whale randomly punctured their boat and sunk it—leaving the couple stranded for months on a tiny raft. Elmhirst brilliantly captures their epic story of isolation and survival.

20. Best Biography or Memoir?

Dark Squares: How Chess Saved My Life by Danny Rensch
Rensch grew up in a cult. When the cult leader realized Rensch’s talent at chess, he took Rensch away from his mom and made him devote his life to the game. He became one of the best chess players in America, but experienced trauma and alcoholism along the way. Remarkably, Rensch later became a co-founder of Chess.com, the largest chess platform on the planet. His honesty and vulnerability made Dark Squares my favorite memoir of 2025.

21. Best World-Building/Most Vivid Setting You Read This Year?

Sunrise on the Reaping (Hunger Games 0.5) by Suzanne Collins
I love the Hunger Games world Collins has created. Even though I’m usually not a fan of writers milking a series by releasing multiple prequels, I’m glad Collins has continued to write about District 12. This book is arguably the most punishing installment of the series (you’ll understand why if you read it), but it offers another great glimpse into the hierarchical and dystopian world of Panem.

22. Book That Was the Most FUN to Read?

A Mystery of Mysteries by Mark Dawidziak
I had no idea that so much mystery surrounded Edgar Allan Poe’s death! What a wild story. On October 3, 1849, Poe was found semiconscious in Baltimore. He was wearing someone else’s cheap, shabby clothes (no one knows whose). His hat was soiled (and also belonged to someone else). He was raving and incoherent (some witnesses thought from alcohol but others disagreed). And no one knew where he had been for the past week (the last time someone saw him was September 26 in Richmond). A friend came and tried to nurse Poe back to health, but he was dead within the week. I flew through this book.

23. Book That Angered You?

Separation of Church and Hate by John Fugelsang
The Christian church in America has become known for hate rather than love, judgment rather than forgiveness, and division rather than unity. Fugelsang explores how we got to this point. This book was simultaneously angering and hilarious because Fugelsang writes in a comedic, sarcastic fashion throughout. It’s one of those books that’s so spot-on that you read it thinking, “I’m laughing about this so I don’t cry about it.”

24. Hidden Gem of the Year?

Book and Dagger by Elyse Graham
Shout-out to my buddy Thad for giving me this book! Did you know that librarians and college professors were recruited to serve as American spies in WWII? Neither did I! The government realized that bookish people were not only great at research but proved to be unassuming agents. Incredible true story.

25. Favorite New Author You Discovered This Year?

Jimmy Soni
I loved Soni’s book The Founders, which tells the story of PayPal’s founding and how its founders and early employees eventually spawned dozens of other tech companies. Soni is a fantastic researcher and a brilliant writer who can whittle a complex story into the nuggets that readers need to understand. I also enjoyed his recent interview on David Perell’s podcast, and I’m looking forward to his forthcoming book about Kobe Bryant.

26. Author You Read the Most This Year?

Stephen King. He’s my favorite novelist of all time. I even had the chance to visit his hometown of Bangor, Maine, last year. I read the following Stephen King books this year:

• 11/22/63

• The Long Walk

• Cycle of the Werewolf

27. Overall, What Were Your Favorite Fiction and Nonfiction Reads This Year?

Non-Fiction Highlights

1. Die With Zero by Bill Perkins

2. Building a Story Brand by Donald Miller

3. Six Thinking Hats by Edward de Bono

4. Separation of Church and Hate by John Fugelsang

5. Dark Squares by Danny Rensch

6. Book and Dagger by Elyse Graham

7. The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins

8. A Mystery of Mysteries by Mark Dawidziak

9. Tiny Experiments by Anne-Laure Le Cunff

10. A Marriage at Sea by Sophie Elmhirst

11. The 5 Types of Wealth by Sahil Bloom

12. The Business of Being a Writer by Jane Friedman

13. The Founders by Jimmi Soni

14. The Art of Spending Money by Morgan Housel

15. Marcus Aurelius by Donald Robertson

Fiction Highlights

1. Dungeon Crawler Carl (DCC Book 1) by Matt Dinniman

2. 11/22/63 by Stephen King

3. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

4. The Shards by Bret Easton Ellis

5. The Queen’s Gambit by Walter Tevis

6. Carl’s Doomsday Scenario (DCC Book 2) by Matt Dinniman

7. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz

8. Sunrise on the Reaping (Hunger Games 0.5) by Suzanne Collins

9. A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole

10. The Long Walk by Stephen King

1. One Book You Didn’t Get to This Year But Will Be Your Top Priority Next Year?

The Power Broker by Robert Caro
I’ve been trucking my way through this book for months, and I’m about 3/4 of the way through. It’s fantastic but MASSIVE (1,300 pages). I’ll finish it in early 2026.

2. Books You Are Most Anticipating Next Year?

• 1/27 - Why We Click: The Emerging Science of Interpersonal Synchrony by Kate Murphy

• 1/27 - Unhinged Habits by Jonathan Goodman

• 2/3 - Flourish by Daniel Coyle

• 2/3 - How to Live a Meaningful Life by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans

• 3/10 - Beyond Belief by Nir Eyal with Julie Li

• 3/17 - Everyone in This Bank Is a Thief by Benjamin Stevenson

• 4/7 - London Falling by Patrick Radden Keefe

• 4/7 - What to Make of a Life by Jim Collins

• 4/14 - Those Who Are About to Die: A Day in the Life of a Roman Gladiator by Harry Sidebottom

• 4/21 - Monster in the Archives by Caroline Bicks (cool book about Stephen King’s work)

• 5/5 - Inside the Box: How Constraints Make Us Better by David Epstein

• 5/12 - I Am Not a Robot: My Year Using AI to Do (Almost) Everything and Replace (Almost) Everyone by Joanna Stern

• 5/19 - Steve Jobs in Exile by Geoffrey Cain

• 6/2 - You Can Just Do Things by Cate Hall & Sasha Chapin

3. Sequel You Are Most Anticipating Next Year?

Everyone in This Bank Is a Thief by Benjamin Stevenson

4. One Thing You Hope to Accomplish in Reading & Blogging Next Year?

• Read 70+ books again (I’ve been doing that for a decade now)

• Read 8+ books off the Top 200 list

• Continue publishing articles on Substack every Tuesday and Thursday

• Continue publishing my email newsletter every other Sunday

This article was originally inspired by the year-end survey hosted by Perpetual Page Turner.

I’ve collected quotes for many years. My database now contains thousands of them, and every month I add the best ones I find in books, articles, newsletters, TED talks, YouTube videos, podcasts, etc.

Shout-out to because many of my favorite quotes I stumbled across in December came from her book Hidden Genius.

Here are the best quotes I found this month:

“There is someone somewhere who is looking at you and learning from you. You can be extraordinary in the most normal occasions and settings.” -Kyle Carpenter (Medal of Honor recipient)

“Stories trigger emotion, and emotion triggers memory.” -Polina Pompliano

“Suffering is universal. But victimhood is optional.” -Edith Eva Eger (Holocaust survivor)

“My definition of success is waking up energized and going to bed exhausted. Waking up energized means I’m doing meaningful things with people I love. Going to bed exhausted means I gave my all for those things. That’s a good life.” -

“’Small things often’ is so much more important than ‘big things occasionally.’” -John Gottman, about acts of love for a partner

“Great stories happen to those that can tell them.” -Ira Glass

“Fear is just a symptom of lack of preparation. The best antidote for fear is competence.” -Astronaut Chris Hadfield

“Make reversible decisions quickly and irreversible ones deliberately.” -Toni Schneider

“If your experiment works perfectly, then you’ve learned nothing.” -College professor, to Franklin Chang Diaz

“To really know pain in other people is to know yourself in them.” -Brandon Stanton

“Sometimes, to jump farther, you have to step back.” -French proverb

“I know that if I fail, I can start over and over and over and over. I have that skill, and you can take everything from me, but you cannot take that.” -Francis Ngannou, UFC Heavyweight Champion

“I don’t like to gamble, but if there is one thing I’m willing to bet on, it’s myself.” -Beyoncé

“Every time you slap a label on someone and put them in a box, you filter what you see. You make your world smaller, simpler, and less reflective of reality. -Polina Pompliano

“Wealth is what you don’t see. It’s the cars not purchased, the clothes not bought, the jewelry not worn. Wealth is hidden.” -Morgan Housel

“The opposite of happiness isn’t unhappiness; it’s taking things for granted.” -Mark Manson

“Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time and always start with the person nearest you.” -Mother Theresa

“Overcome the notion that you must be regular. It robs you of the chance to be extraordinary.” -Uta Hagen

“All you can take with you is that which you’ve given away.” -Peter Bailey (from It’s a Wonderful Life)

“I got my start by giving myself a start.” -Madam CJ Walker

“The mark of a true professional isn’t flawless performance in familiar territory—it’s the willingness to become a student again at the edges of your competence.” -

“Students, scientists, and anyone else who lets AI do the writing for them will find their screens full of words and their minds emptied of thought.” -

“The one-two punch of reading and writing is like the serum we have to take in a superhero comic book to gain the superpower of deep symbolic thinking, and so I have been ringing this alarm bell that we have to keep taking the serum.” -Cal Newport

Today, I’m departing from my standard fare to share a special Christmas/EOY post.

I’m sharing this one because I consume a ton of content each year. (In 2025, I read 70 books, watched 49 movies and 26 TV seasons, and listened to countless podcasts.)

Here’s a quick wrap-up of my favorites from what I read, watched, and learned in 2025 (regardless of when any of this content was first published).

Favorite Nonfiction Books

My overall #1 this year was Bill Perkins’s book Die With Zero. It’s the personal finance book I didn’t realize I needed. Perkins explains it’s actually possible to save too much. He helps readers find a balance between saving for tomorrow and living well today.

A close second this year was Building a Story Brand by Donald Miller. I’ve been trying to learn more about marketing and positioning, and this book is a phenomenal guide.

Favorite Fiction Books

I’m not a big fantasy guy, but a fantasy book stole my heart (and my top fiction slot) in 2025. If you haven’t heard of Dungeon Crawler Carl by Matt Dinniman, go check it out. Huge thanks to my friends and Rob for recommending this book—and for specifically plugging the audiobook version, which was absolutely the right choice.

My second favorite novel this year was Stephen King’s gem 11/22/63. It’s a long read (almost 900 pages) but worth it. And if you’re not a horror person, fear not! This book is drama/thriller, not horror.

Favorite TV Show

I watched a lot of epic shows this year: The Last of Us, Adolescence, Welcome to Derry, etc. But my favorite show by far was Season 2 of Severance.

Season 1 blew me away when it came out back in 2022, so I eagerly awaited for Season 2 and hoped it wouldn’t suck. Thankfully, it didn’t. I freakin loved it.

Show creator Dan Erickson continues to include ever-weirder and creepier things in the series, but he does so while artfully tying up loose ends and building suspense within the dark corporate world of Lumon Industries.

Favorite Movie

Few movies offer poignant social commentary alongside edge-of-your-seat action. Paul Thomas Anderson’s One Battle After Another delivers both in spades. It’s almost three hours but feels half that long thanks to its fast pace and satisfying storytelling.

Best New Follows

I follow a lot of online creators, and I’m thankful for all they’ve taught me through the years. Each year, I find one or two creators whose writing and thinking inspire me to create better content myself.

This year, I’m glad I stumbled across the thought-provoking questions of Barrett Brooks and the hilarious, whip-smart writing of (who runs the Substack publication Experimental History). Both represent the top of their game in their respective fields: Barrett for podcasts/interviews and Adam for science/humor.

Favorite Podcast

Speaking of Barrett, I’ve listened to many episodes of his podcast Good Work, which was my favorite podcast this year. He hosts long-form interviews (usually 1-2 hours) with talented people who are using their careers to make the world better in some way.

Favorite Apps

I just started on in April, and I love it. It’s rare to find a place that feels like home as both a writer and a reader. Since joining Substack, I’ve found great leadership thinkers like and , and also brilliant essayists like the husband/wife duo and .

Another perennial favorite app for me in 2025 was . I haven’t stopped using that platform since I realized it can help me essentially highlight and save the coolest things I find on the internet.

And lastly, I’m a huge fan of the personal knowledge management tool Obsidian. I use it to save quotes, stories, research data, article ideas, and anything else I want to leverage later in my writing and speaking. Plus, I love that it’s free. (It’s a freemium product, so you can pay for certain advanced features.)

→ Btw, I don’t get paid for any of these plugs. I genuinely use and love these apps.

I’m always on the lookout for new amazing stuff—whether that’s books, shows, movies, apps, or anything else—so please share your own personal favorites from 2025 below. I read every comment.